One
of the most enduring numbers in the huckster’s repertoire is “The Policeman’s Ball” — also
fondly remembered by its alternate title, “The Fireman’s Ball.” With this
little ditty, the con man calls to his prey, croons a bit about this “charity
dance,” sells the sap the “tickets,” and heads for the city limits by tune’s
fade. You’d be surprised how often this oldie gets covered: A friend of Stiv
Bators recalls how the Dead Boys’ notorious lead spectacle financed his
end-of-the-band migration to New York City with a few bars of “The Policeman’s
Ball.”
In fact, this record’s gotten so scratchy, it’s damn near ruined the
credibility of anyone staging legitimate Policeman’s Balls. And people
do stage ’em. Take the Ft. Lauderdale-based Gehl Group (pronounced
“Gail”) for instance; they’ve been putting on Policeman’s and Fireman’s balls
since the early Eighties, and in doing so, have restored a little of that lost
integrity to the events. Four years ago, they even hooked up with the Texas
State Association of Fire Fighters, promoting bi-annual benefit concerts
featuring either name country acts like Merle Haggard or the Charlie Daniels
Band or vintage rock & rollers like Johnny Rivers or Paul Revere & the
Raiders.
“Over the years, there’s companies that have gone in and said, `Let’s make
some money here,'” says Doug Thornton, regional manager of the Gehl Group, “and
have made money for organizations and for themselves, but at the same time
haven’t done anything for the image of the organization. So what you’ve got out
there is a group of non-profit organizations who really have a concern with
their public image.”
In short, the Gehl Group basically reduces the artists’ expenses as well as
the Texas State Fire Fighters’ by organizing entire benefit tours with the
artists through several states. Since the artists do not volunteer either their
time or services, the block-booking method cuts the increased expense of paying
the artists’ single-performance guarantees, enabling the Fire Fighters to offer
quality entertainment at a low price.
Thornton elaborates: “We’ll do sometimes eight or ten shows in a row through
different states, so we can do ’em very inexpensively. It allows us to bring a
show like Merle Haggard and Johnny Paycheck in, which you would normally pay
$25 or $30 for. What it allows us to do is to sell tickets for $15 dollars,
which does raise some money for the organization, but most importantly gives
people a good feeling towards the organization. That’s what we’re trying to do:
build the public image of that organization.”
They’ve apparently managed to generate much good will: The Merle
Haggard/Johnny Paycheck bill staged this past spring packed Palmer Auditorium
twice over, raising $30,000 for the TSAFF strictly on the strength of phone
sales. And they can duplicate this feat in Fort Worth and San Antonio, the
other standard stops on these tours. The Gehl Group also has operations in both
cities, promoting the concerts strictly in their areas, employing approximately
30 to 40 telemarketers statewide. In Austin alone, this adds up to 10 operators
dialing up the entirety of the Austin residential directory twice a year. Even
now, you might be getting a phone call about frat-rock legends the Kingsmen
(yes, the “Louie Louie” guys!) and Three Dog Night, Lou Adler’s prefab,
post-Mamas and Papas attempt at putting an acceptable face on the
counterculture.
“The oldies shows, we normally only have to have one show,” says Thornton.
“The country acts, we usually have to have two shows.” Uh, Doug, are you
suggesting there’s just not as many aging bobbysoxers out there as there are
dudes with rifle-rack-equipped pickups and Skoal-can indentations in the
backpockets of their Wranglers? “I guess not,” he laughs. “If there are, they
don’t show up — at least not as much [as with the country shows].”
And what does the $30,000 Merle Haggard raised go toward? According to the
TSAFF literature mailed with each concert packet, it funds programs designed
“to improve safety laws for all citizens of Texas; public relations to better
inform citizens of the problems facing fire fighters in today’s world and (to
promote) stronger laws on behalf of the fire fighters and citizens to help
reduce injury and death in fire fighting and rescue operations; to improve
death benefits for fire fighters killed in the line of duty; legislative
efforts for better fire protection in Texas; and continuous efforts for a
better hazardous-chemical right-to-know law which would grant citizens,
employees, and fire fighters the access to information about toxic chemicals
and waste in our community, neighborhood and workplace.”
Because much damage has already been done to the Policeman’s Ball concept by
shysters of many stripes, one has to wonder what kind of trust-rebuilding
failsafes the Gehl Group have in place. Thornton, in the oratorial manner of a
born PR man, has an answer. The Gehl Group could take credit card
numbers over the phone, but chooses not to. By the same token, they “have every
ability in the world to send somebody by [customers’] houses, to have people
send us money before we send out anything, that kinda stuff. And in all
honesty, we could probably get a few extra dollars by doing it that way. We
choose not to do it that way.”
What the Gehl Group does choose to do is mail positive respondents an
information packet containing a ticket voucher — “which isn’t a ticket,”
Thornton emphasizes, “but is good for a ticket” — along with a thank-you
letter and literature explaining TSAFF programs similar to those cited above.
Which also explains the lack of advertising for these shows: 1) Ads are an
added expense; 2) The program’s main goal is cultivating public trust in and
spreading information about the TSAFF; ergo, 3) It’s easier to spread that info
through mailouts riding the back of concert ticket vouchers than in cramming it
into a radio or newspaper concert ad.
Sure, such methods do not ensure sales the way credit card orders
would. Then again, this operation’s primary mission is as much to proselytize
as it is to raise funds. There is no obligation to buy the ticket.
(Although the TSAFF probably wouldn’t mind it.) If you like what you
see, send your check by return mail, or pay in person at the local TSAFF
offices.
And how effective are the Gehl Group’s methods? No one from the TSAFF
itself would make themselves available for comment, but Merle Haggard appeared
impressed when he played his Austin area benefits. “They do a good job calling
people and selling tickets,” he remarked, before noting the plan was hardly
airtight: “They’ve done the same thing for other (acts), and not every
(customer) showed up.” Still, the next upcoming TSAFF benefit bill raises an
interesting question: Who, besides your utterly tasteless and possibly detoxing
parents and my editor, wants to see Three Dog Night ?!!
“You’d be surprised!” laughs Thornton. “A lotta people like these things, and
we could go and do the same thing with a hard rock act or something to get the
kids. But our big thing is public image of the organization. So, we’ve got to
be careful, get a family-oriented show and all that kinda stuff. There’s
certain artists that get to a point where they represent drugs and alcohol, or
used to. And we can’t have that. We try to avoid that wherever we can.”
So, while it’s unlikely Slash `n’ Axl will ever crank up a chorus of “Welcome
To The Jungle” on behalf of the Texas State Fire Fighters Association, you can
at least gator to beer-bust national anthem “Louie Louie” with some form of the
Kingsmen. Meantime, the Gehl Group’s unusual methods open a whole new realm of
possibilities for benefit organizations and music/charity or even
music/political linkups. Can you imagine? Skrewdriver rocking for David Duke,
with campaign propaganda attached to your ticket! Vince Neil touring on behalf
of defensive driving clinics nationwide! Def Leppard’s drummer in a solo show
organized for amputee hospitals! Hey kids, the possibilities are limitless…. n Three Dog Night and the Kingsmen will perform Sunday, September 29, 7:30pm at
Palmer Auditorium. Tickets are available for $15 by calling 371-1200.
This article appears in August 2 • 1996 and August 2 • 1996 (Cover).