Before you start making Viagra/Q-Tip jokes, keep in mind that this spry old codger is saving the fucking planet while you’re lolling around blowing holes in the ozone just because you don’t like the feel of sweat in your butt crack.
Not only that, this Methuselah is kicking the Google car’s ass. No, not just in the picture, he’s been thumping that smug little hybrid for at least two blocks. This is the first unblurry picture I could get of him. Either this Google car is being driven by totally stoned 105 year old with a wicked case of glaucoma, or this dude is the Lance Armstrong of Sun City.
Regardless, his sartorial mien is nearly flawless: Matching brown leather belt and oxfords (even if you’re a vegan PETA terrorist, you have to admit this pairing is absolutely classic. Cows would applaud for that shit); 100% cotton white button down oxford shirt (after all, this is Austin. Black would just be either silly or satanic which, come to think of it, is also silly); cotton khaki chino pants (people over the age of 50 get an automatic pass on khaki…it’s like being a lesbian or a member of the foreign legion); white cotton socks and yes, this dude is rocking it old school (notice I didn’t use the term “skool” cuz that shit is illiterate) by wearing a white cotton undershirt. Oh snap! Updike here just kicked your fashion ass. You might as well be driving the Google car.
That said, the fuchsia messenger bag is hanging a little low. Stevie Ray low. Pete Townsend low. I’m all for geezers bringing game, but the messenger bag placement on this guy just reeks of hubris. Pray to God he never corners you at a cocktail party and starts regaling you with ribald anecdotes from obscure Chaucerian texts or an extensive analysis of the patriarchal social mores of the Asian subcontinent. If he does, interrupt him and ask if he’s any good at beer pong.
Seriously, people as socially conscious and well put together as this guy are fun to look at but tedious to actually hang out with. If he says yes to the beer pong, then he’s probably going to kick your ass at that too.
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LuvDoc Fashion Index: 9.3 (.7 off cuz he probably thinks he’s hot shit)
This article appears in July 13 • 2012.
