What’s the most interesting way to accessorize a purple skirt and a plain brown top? Craziness. Sometimes – even if you’re not at a Backstreet Boys concert – you have to put your hands in the air like you just don’t care. Oh yeah…and paaar-TAY! Either that or this woman is doing an impromptu morning performance of Thriller.
See? This is why people shouldn’t fucking drink coffee. It makes them crazy.
People shouldn’t be crazy in the morning. If anything they should be depressed or maybe humbled and penitent from the previous night’s debaucheries. You know who is crazy in the morning? Pentecostal preachers, self-help gurus, and used car managers … plus all the other people who are full time crazy. We like to call them insane.
Isn’t it strange that there’s no clothing line for mentally deranged people? Well, actually an upholsterer named Guilleret did design a popular jacket specifically for crazy people, but that’s about it. Otherwise they pretty much have to fend for themselves: There have been some interesting attempts over the eons – sack cloth, garbage bags with holes punched for sleeves, human skin suits – but nothing else has really caught on. That’s no surprise. Insane people are, if anything, free thinkers who are not easily prone to the whimsies of popular fashion.
This woman is no exception. She isn’t necessarily crushing it style-wise, but she’s making up for it with moxie. Perhaps she also does yoga and has learned that the Extended Mountain Pose has a slimming effect that minimizes her muffin top.
In most cultures, this is a perfectly acceptable way to free up a table at a crowded coffeehouse, but in Austin this kind of behavior doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. It may seem like people are ignoring her on purpose, but truthfully, they’re just bored.
LuvDoc Fashion Index: 7.5 (.5 extra for that sweet mini muffin)
This article appears in June 29 • 2012.
