First of all, matching your pink accented Skechers Shape Ups with your backpack this early in the morning? Fucking hard core. That’s the fashion equivalent of when Matthew Modine (aka “Joker”) euthanizes the Viet Cong girl with a .45 slug to the head at the end of Full Metal Jacket.
Everyone just stood there dumbstruck, impressed that he had the stones to actually pull the trigger. Same deal for this girl. I’ll bet she was greeted by a gauntlet of high fives as she hustled out of her sorority on the way to class. She was probably moving so fast they may not have noticed the UT orange (that’s Tennessee, not Texas) accents on her shorts.
That’s a good thing because a faux pas like that could earn her a week cleaning toilets with a toothbrush (or maybe I’m confusing sorority hazing with Full Metal Jacket). Regardless, she was clearly in a hurry because she is cold from a low glycemic index – very likely she missed breakfast – which is why her hands are pulled up in her sweatshirt.
Maybe if she had worn jeans like the girl walking next to her, texting. Maybe she is texting someone that Skechers girl is wearing shorts in the cold weather like an idiot, completely unaware of the irony that she is wearing flip-flops in the same weather. She is also wearing them with jeans, which means she probably isn’t in a sorority. She might not even have friends at all. She might be texting her Rainbow Gathering mother or her therapist. She is clearly deeply disturbed. What kind of monster wears flip flops with jeans?
LuvDoc Fashion Index:
Skechers Girl – 8.5 (curtains and drapes match)
Flip-Flop Girl – 3.4 (WTF?)
This article appears in June 22 • 2012.
