Now that the deeply divisive elections are over, we can all go back to a common cause: hating on scooters.
In our annual “Best of Austin” issue, the now-ubiquitous dockless scooters were singled out twice for dubious recognition, voted by our readers as the year’s “Best Controversy” and earning a Critics Pick for “Best Hostile Takeover by a Highly Invasive Aerial Species.”
Our finals round of the Readers Poll elicited 13,038 comments from readers, but it was the ones about scooters that most had us in stitches. Here are some of our favorites.
“Just people moving with the times.”
“I love them! It’s like, I don’t even need to waste time conversing with you because I know you’re a d-bag solely on the fact that you’re an adult riding an electric scooter in the middle of the road.”
“I want the Ubers to start giving discounts for number of scooters hit during a ride.”
“Scoot proud.”
“Fuck those scooters.”
“One time Downtown I saw an angry woman throwing many scooters into the street. And then a nice young man picking them up.”
“Dangerous. Scooters are left anywhere, preventing people with disabilities the ability to use the sidewalk.”
“Keep Austin Scooty.”
“I have never before had to resist the urge to trip another human being (at least in adulthood). They are tacky, dangerous AF to everyone around them as well as to the rider, and flimsy.”
“Lord have mercy… We are under attack…”
“Wear a helmet. These are roads with monster trucks and other wheely machines. Or walk like a non-lazy American.”
“This is easily the silliest thing Austinites have gotten up in arms about in years.”
“This isn’t solving the ‘last mile’ transportation problem, it’s simply letting rich white startup guys get rich off teenagers and bros old enough to know better who refuse to walk.”
“I have mixed feelings about the rollout, but damn are they fun!”
“City needs to stop trying to control and get a piece of everything!”
“Austin has such a boner for bikes, so why do they hate scooters so much?”
“Just let us disassemble them for parts.”
“Never thought I’d see so many Grown Ass Adults on goofy scooters. Overnight sensation doomed to fail, or wave of the future?”
“Watching the scooters debate was one of the funniest things to happen in Austin in a long time.”
“Half the population seems to think the apocalypse is about to happen while the other half is in blue face yelling ‘FREEDOM!’”
“I love them and hate them so much.”
“Self-selection for gene pool removal? Maybe I shouldn’t be so irritated…”
“Man, I really hate those scooters and the people that rode in on them.”
“No one will stop talking about these damn scooters.”
Jeer on scooters, rub elbows with other BOA winners, and enjoy bands and free bites at the Austin Chronicle’s “Best of Austin” party on Thursday, Nov. 8, 6-9pm, at Mohawk. Tickets ($10) for purchase at the door.
This article appears in November 2 • 2018.
