Star Trek: Nemesis

The end of an era or the error of the end: Say what you must about Star Trek: The Next Generation, they've gone out with more aplomb than James T. Kirk and his crew. I've fallen out of touch with the Federation's universe of late, though. So far, I've only managed to catch former Quantum Leap-er Scott Bakula's captaincy of the Enterprise exactly twice. I never much cared for Deep Space Nine, and although Voyager's initial missions seemed to contain the creative spark that current series overlord Rick Berman had last captured with Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Stewart) and his crew, there's definitely been a slow leak of sorts in my interest in the whole schmeer. Nemesis, billed as “a generation's final adventure,” is by turns less adventurous than previous TNG outings such as First Contact (which at least had the Borg Gamecube) and Insurrection (which, while not a terribly good movie by anyone's standards, featured Picard the Rebel). None of the above comes within groping distance of Generations, which, with its pairing-cum-trade off of the cerebral Picard and the testosterone-fueled Kirk, was dense sci-fi fun. (And you can bet there's nothing in Nemesis -- or any of the others, for that matter -- to rival Malcolm McDowell's hissy-fitting Sauron.) This “final” adventure has Picard and his trusty crew intervening in a Romulan coup d'etat and discovering there are more clones in the known universe than those stamped with a LucasFilm marketing tag. For non-Trekkers, the Romulans are the warlike bane of the peace-loving Federation of Planets who resemble Vulcans (surely you remember Mr. Spock) and pilot lumbering, ordnance-heavy spacecraft known as Romulan Warbirds. The Nemesis coup is led by a member of that race's lesser caste, the Remans (Romulus and Remus. Get it?), who have been enslaved by their nattier cousins to work in the mines, and generally lead a life of tormented hopelessness. Head Reman Praetor Shinzon, as it turns out, isn't even a real Reman, but a clone, of someone who will go unmentioned here lest I get clobbered at the next ArmadilloCon, and while Picard deals with his nefarious ways, Brent Spiner's positronic android Data has to come to grips with a clingy, newfound brother, of sorts. And then there's the forever “unconjugated” marriage of Commander Riker (Frakes) and ship's Counselor Deanna Troi (Sirtis). Also, Data sings, Worf (Dorn) overdoes it on the Romulan Ale, and a main character's life is sacrificed for the benefit of the others. It's all very convoluted this time out, and awfully silly to boot, with Picard hamming it up in a dune buggy, of all things, and laborious phaser shoot-outs in close quarters that recall nothing so much as Luke, Leia, and Han's garbage-duct foray in Star Wars. Not a good thing, believe me. All told, it's a weak ending to what has been a spotty series of films at best. It makes one long for the days of Khan, that bloodsucker, who at least had the presence of mind to chew the scenery with rough-and-tumble panache right alongside that bitter old foe J.T. Kirk. Nemesis, by comparison, is about as exciting as a Tribble on Vicodin.