Monday, August 9, the Cleveland Browns officially return to the NFL when they rustle the Dallas Cowboys in the Hall of Fame game in Canton, Ohio. The resurrected dynasty of the late Paul Brown is now controlled by what was once the the bulk of the San Francisco 49ers’ front office. Look for them in the Super Bowl in considerably less than a decade. This year, however, the Dawg Pound will have to settle for the moral victories of a three-win season and the unpredictable learning curve of number one draft choice Tim Couch.
As “Dandy” Don Meredith used to sing: “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.” Monday, August 9, will be our first look at ABC’s Monday Night Football team without Dan Dierdorf. To Dan I say: “good riddance.” I sincerely hope I never have to listen to your blabber about the importance of the offensive line again. The only offensive lines I ever noticed were the ones coming out of your mouth. You are the Bill Walton of the NFL, and I don’t know anyone who likes you.
This Monday, August 9, would have been my grandparents’ 52nd wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, the old guy passed away over the summer, so 51 will have to do. And it does. A lifelong supporter of the Alabama Crimson Tide, the old man loved Paul “Bear” Bryant about as much as he loved his wife, kids, and fishing. Which reminds me of a joke where an Alabama fan dies and goes to heaven. As he’s standing at the Pearly Gates talking to St. Peter, an old guy saunters by in a Houndstooth hat. The fellow says to St. Peter, “Wow! That’s Bear Bryant!” And St. Peter says, “No, son. That’s God. He just thinks he’s Bear Bryant.”
Many, many great players suited up for the legendary coach, not the least of whom was Browns tight end Ozzie Newsome, who will (appropriately enough) be inducted into the Hall of Fame this weekend. Soft-handed for a big man, Newsome was fleet enough to play wide receiver, but tough enough to stick it out in the trenches, much like an AFC colleague of his era, Kellen Winslow.
My grandfather was true to his mettle, playing both ways for Snead State College in Boaz, Alabama during the Great Depression. His brother, my great uncle Boyce, played professionally for the Canton Bulldogs sometime in the late 1920s or early 1930s before being killed in a plane crash. The Bulldogs also had a player in that era by the name of Jim Thorpe, who, incidentally, was from Oklahoma.
Monday, August 9, also marks the opening of summer drills for the University of Oklahoma football team, who have a new head coach in former Florida Gators defensive coordinator Bob Stoops. This won’t be popular with Longhorns, but here’s hoping Bob’s not as “Stoop”-id as the last coach, John Blake, who could barely get 11 guys onto the field at the same time. Blake, an OU alum from the glory days of the 1970s, was an assistant coach with the Dallas Cowboys under Barry Switzer before taking the job at OU, which he landed with no head coaching experience on Switzer’s recommendation to the university Board of Regents. Rumors spread during Blake’s ill-fated reign that Switzer had set the university up with Blake as payback for Barry’s outing from OU in the late 1980s. This move would also further Switzer’s legend as a coach by making him look that much better. Possible, but not likely.
Monday, August 9, is also the 15th anniversary of my sister’s birth. Though she never played football, and probably never will, I always wanted to dress her up in one of those Hutch college football uniforms and use her for a tackling dummy when I was a teenager. Though it seemed entertaining to me at the time, I no longer have the desire to dress her up. I still, however, relish tackling females indoors.
Monday, August 9, is also the 25th anniversary of Richard Nixon’s resignation. I was nearing three when Tricky Dick decided to throw in the towel, and in retrospect, I’m glad I don’t remember the exact moment that everyone in America lost what little trust they had left in our governing institution. Shame on you, Dick! Shame on you!
Coach will return from vacation next week. “Tunnel Vision” will return next summer.
This article appears in August 6 • 1999 and August 6 • 1999 (Cover).