Luv Doc,
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years at the end of June. We had been having problems long before that, but our summer vacation brought things to a head. Our relationship was always uneven. I have always been a person who likes being active, trying new things, meeting new people, traveling to different places. He has always claimed that he likes those things too, but in reality, he is more of a homebody. He doesn’t really like change. I think he would be happy hanging out in the house and watching Netflix and maybe going out a few times a month to the restaurants he really likes. It doesn’t help that he mostly works from home, too. I was always the one who was making plans, organizing outings with friends, trips, etc. He would always find some reason that we couldn’t do something. In June I planned a trip to Eureka Springs, Arkansas, with my brother and his best friend and their wives. We got a really nice cabin on Beaver Lake – maybe too nice because all my boyfriend wanted to do was sit on the deck and drink beer. We were there four days and did a lot of fun things – sightseeing, swimming, a trip to Crystal Bridges, walking around downtown Eureka Springs – but he missed all of it. He said he just wanted to “relax.” When we got back to Austin I told him I was leaving him and would be getting my own place. It was more difficult than I imagined. Deep down he is a sweet and caring guy and I know he was really hurt. It wasn’t like he was cheating or abusive. It was just that he was always resisting growth and change. At the end of August he began texting me and telling me he has changed, but I don’t see any evidence. He still lives in our old apartment and has basically the same life without me. I miss him and am worried I won’t find anyone better, but I don’t want to feel like I am settling just to feel safe. Am I being too impulsive? Should I give him another chance?
– Homebody’s Ex
Nah, fuck this guy. He passed up a walking tour of downtown Eureka Springs and a trip to Crystal Bridges just so he could relax at Beaver Lake and drink beer? What the actual? Then again, maybe I’m not giving Beaver Lake enough credit. On the surface, the name feels really fake – like it was made up by some freshman frat brothers from the University of Arkansas who had big hopes for their summer break. Maybe if it had a name with a bit more verisimilitude – something like “Skeeter Lake” or maybe “Bucktooth Lake” … or how about “Lake Yellow Meth?” Beaver Lake though? That’s just lazy. Look, I get it. Beavers are actual aquatic varmints known for their lake-making skills, and no doubt there are probably a few of them paddling around Northwestern Arkansas, but as rich in industrious varmints as it might actually be – Tom Cotton certainly comes to mind – Arkansas isn’t exactly renowned for their beaver. Walmarts? Tweakers? Diamond Craters? Billy Jeff Clinton? Sure. Buck teeth? Absolutely – and for the record, I’m not talking about beaver teeth. Beaver teeth aren’t real, no matter what Arkansas frat guys try to tell you.
I know I go hard on Arkansas, but it’s actually a beautiful state – so beautiful, in fact, that you yourself decided to vacation there in order to enjoy its understated wealth of amenities. You could have chosen some overrun influencer hot spot like Lake Tahoe, the Grand Canyon, Big Sur, or Asheville, but instead, you chose to keep it relatively close to home – perhaps out of deference to your boyfriend’s lack of adventurousness. Regardless, congratulations on stretching your vacation dollar!
Also, congratulations on taking control of your destiny even though I’m sure it was and maybe still is painful. That’s to be expected when any long-term relationship is ending, regardless of the cause. I think you’ve made the right decision. I know your boyfriend might have texted you that he has changed, but a few texts do not outweigh three years of empirical data. That’s plenty of time to really get to know someone and decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Honestly, for some people, all it would take is a long weekend at Beaver Lake.
This article appears in October 17 • 2025.
