The Luv Doc: Undone

Dear Luv Doc,

Me and my boyfriend got into a fight at my best friend’s party last Saturday. We had both been drinking for a while so that couldn’t have helped things. What started it was that I was sitting talking with some friends in the living room and it started feeling really hot and stuffy. I excused myself and said I was going to the bathroom, but afterwards I went outside to the back patio because my friend’s house overlooks the greenbelt and there is always a nice breeze back there. It was a nice night and it was much cooler outside than inside, so I sat down in one of the lawn chairs and started playing fetch with her dog. Not too long after, a guy I didn’t know came out and sat down beside me and introduced himself and we started talking – mainly about how nice the weather was and what a great place my friend has. After about 5-10 minutes sitting there, my boyfriend came out and was visibly upset. He said he had been looking all over for me and wanted me to take him home because he was too drunk to drive. I didn’t want to leave yet, but I took him home anyway so I wouldn’t have to worry about him. We argued all the way to his house. He said he was angry that I left him to go talk to some random guy. After I dropped him off we didn’t talk at all until Monday when he sent me an emailed apology that was obviously written with AI. He almost never emails at all and it didn’t sound like him. I called him on it and he admitted it, but said that he only used AI to help him get his thoughts together. I don’t know how I feel about this, but not great. I’m not sure who is really being sincere, my boyfriend or his AI chatbot. Should I break up with him?

– Bothered in Barton Hills

Oh great. Another opportunity to talk about AI. Here I was thinking I was going to get to sink my teeth into a juicy topic like jealousy … or drinking … or the Greenbelt … or the weather … or playing fetch with an adorable dog, but no, you snuck AI in there at the end like some sort of sadistic, modern-day O. Henry. Touché! I am undone! All that is left for me to do is to drivel on for a few hundred words about how AI is going to ruin everything good and wholesome about humanity. Look, if that were actually the case, it means Donald Trump was created by AI. Impossible. Well, maybe if “AI” stands for “asshole idiot.” If anything, Donald Trump was created by the KGB to turn the U.S. government into an even more corrupt shithole than the Kremlin itself … a seemingly impossible feat just one election cycle ago, but hey, with the right kompromat and an American electorate that has been systematically dumbed down by an all-out assault on public education for the last 40 years, anything is possible, right? That may seem simplistically harsh, but I can’t come up with another plausible reason why more than half the U.S. Legislature and pretty much every office-seeking Republican in Texas from governor down to dogcatcher is shamelessly trying to claim they are Trump’s favorite power bottom. Republicans don’t even love Jesus this much. Maybe if He was in the Epstein files. It’s like every Republican official found out it was OK to be a dick again: $5-a-gallon gas, runaway inflation, unwanted war, unchecked racism, unfettered capitalism. How else can we fuck the little guy? Rest assured there’s a conservative “think tank” funded by a “corporate citizen” that is burning up overpriced midnight oil spitballing ideas. They’re probably using Copilot too, because Dario is too much of a Lib Cuck to let them use Mythos.

So let’s suppose for a second that Trump’s overly eager Republican power bottoms actually do get their hands on some top-notch AI and somehow AI masterminds a plan to ensure C-student Caucasian males continue enjoy the hegemony they’ve had for the last 250 years of the American Republic. You know … something like the Proud Boy Slush Fund/Trump Family Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card the Justice Department recently announced. All due respect to Claude, ChatGPT, or Gemini, I don’t think you could train something with “intelligence” in its name to be that dickish. 

Similarly, your boyfriend using AI to craft a more cogent and perhaps eloquent apology doesn’t necessarily make him less sincere, it might just mean that he doesn’t feel confident in expressing his sincerity in a way that will win you over. Maybe just ask him to … in the future … not ask a machine to assist him in conveying his emotions. That’s probably never going to be a good idea.

This article appears in May 29 • 2026.