Dear Luv Doc,
My question is twofold and on a topic that I haven’t seen addressed in your column. I’m an autistic, nonbinary person, and I swim as much as possible as a kind of therapy. Austin’s long swimming season and numerous swimming options drew me here, along with the knowledge that the city of Austin is wise enough to maintain one set of rules for all pool users. They do not discriminate on the basis of biological sex, perceived gender or type of body. For everyone, swimsuit bottoms are required, but swimsuit tops are optional. (In fact, tops are optional outdoors on all public property in Travis County, including parks and pools.) I generally swim in just swim shorts, which feels comfortable and normal to me. Most lifeguards know this is allowed, but a few don’t (along with more than a few pool users). When I’m told “women have to wear tops,” I try to stay calm, explain that that’s not the case, and leave the “don’t assume I’m female” conversation out of it. Occasionally, the lifeguard calls a manager and gets set straight, which can take a little while. I don’t love it when this happens, but I deal with it. My partner, however, has gotten more fed up, and he went off the deep end yesterday in an effort to defend my rights. While I was spending as much time as possible underwater and ignoring calls of, “Ma’am? Ma’am!” he berated the 18-year-old lifeguard for his ignorance to a degree that made me more uncomfortable than the times when teens ridicule me. I appreciate his support and wouldn’t want him to order me to wear a top to keep the peace, but neither do I want him to be a jerk or a “well, actually” guy to the gainfully employed teen just trying to build a résumé and earn a little spending cash. He apologized to the lifeguard and to me for getting carried away, but the damage was still done, and I’m left with these questions: 1) What’s the best way to explain to lifeguards (or fellow Austinites) that anyone, with any body, is allowed to be topless at the pool or outdoors on any public property? 2) What’s the best way to communicate to my partner that I’m grateful for his support, but would rather he didn’t insult or infuriate others in defending me?
– Topless Swimmer
Before I get to your questions, I need to get something off my chest: I HATE cold water. I know, I know … I’ve read the brochure. The benefits of cold water plunges are numerous and impressive: Better circulation, reduced muscle soreness, enhanced immunity, an endorphin rush, resilience to stress, deeper sleep. … WHATEVER. I fucking hate cold. Plus, I am willing to bet if you jump in a vat of near-scalding hot Jägermeister your body’s response would be much the same. Essentially, “Holy shit we about died! Let’s flood the body with healthy hormones.”
There are some cold-ass pools in Austin and a puzzling multitude of masochists who swim in them.
Mind you, I am not a scientist. I’m not even a doctor. I am a swimmer though, and there are certain pools in Austin – 100% of them are outdoor pools – where the water temperature is, to put it mildly, un-Christian. That’s right. Even John the Baptist himself wouldn’t fuck with water that cold. He’s not John “the Blue Baptist.” Anyway, suffice it to say there are some cold-ass pools in Austin and a puzzling multitude of masochists who swim in them. Count me among them, because on certain weekends I will bike down to one of those uncharitably cold bodies of water and swim with all the other miserable health nuts and wannabe octogenarians because it’s supposed to be good for me. Also, I’m an ex-Catholic so I love a good penance.
On one of these occasions I was standing at the edge of the pool (in my tiny swim shorts) doing my swimmer semaphore to get permission from the person at the other end of the pool to share the lane they were swimming in. They gave me a thumbs-up, so I began the lengthy psychic prep session I do before I jump in (NO diving!) and swim like hell until I am too exhausted to feel the cold. In the time that I was getting psyched up, the person at the other end of the pool swam to my end and was about to make a flip turn when I noticed their exposed breasts. I will allow that I might have had a bit of a surprised look on my face. I don’t know. Regardless, this person scowled at me as they made their turn – a sort of “what the fuck are you looking at!?!?” scowl. It has troubled me ever since. I am not against toplessness and I know it’s lawful, it’s just not often I encounter topless breasts in public spaces. Knowing that person might have been neurodivergent offers the possibility that I might have misinterpreted their unwarranted scowl, so thank you. Now, to your questions: Question 1: You can politely suggest they Google: “Is it legal to go topless in city pools in Austin, Texas?” Question 2: Your partner’s instinct to defend your rights is admirable, but his contentiousness serves neither of you. Knowing you’re right doesn’t excuse you of uncivil behavior. The same is true of someone riding their bike down South Lamar during rush hour. It’s totally legal, but it’s not a good excuse to be an asshole to all the angry drivers just trying to get home. Sometimes you have to decide whether being right is more important than being happy.
Listen to The Luv Doc Podcast about this week’s Luv Doc column!This article appears in July 11 • 2025.
