Dear Luv Doc,
I grew up in a large family in a small town South of San Antonio. We didn’t have a lot of money but we were always surrounded by a large group of loving friends and relatives. My parents made a big point about making everyone feel included, no matter what their circumstances. As we have gotten older me and most of my siblings moved away. I came to Austin for a job in 2014 and have been here ever since. This summer my younger sister moved to Austin with her boyfriend who works in the tech sector. She has been living on the East Coast for nearly 10 years, so I only got to see her a few times a year. Now she lives just a few miles away, but it’s almost like we’re not even related. Whenever I go over to her house to visit, I feel very unwelcome. If her husband answers the door, he will just open it and nod his head and then go back to watching TV, playing a video game or whatever. No “Hi!” No “Nice to see you!” The worst part is his rudeness has infected my sister. Everyone in our family gives great hugs, but since she moved to Austin, I have to practically chase her down to hug her when I say goodbye. I try to be positive and tell myself it’s just an East Coast thing, but it still upsets me. She didn’t use to be this way. She was always happy and friendly like the rest of us. Now it feels like we are growing apart. I think she is unhappy but won’t admit it, and I think her boyfriend is the problem. What do I do?
– Sad Sister
If you travel around a bit, eventually you’re going to come to the inescapable realization that some people are just fucking grumpy. It’s also true that a lot of those people live on the East Coast. Oscar the Grouch, for instance, has a curiously Triborough accent, like maybe he sidelines as a plumber in the Bronx. No, he’s not cheap, and yes, that is going to cost you, and if he sees any rats when he’s down there, fahgeddaboudit. That said, we shouldn’t throw a whole region of the U.S. under the bus just because they’re grumpy. They might be grumpy because they have to ride the bus … or the subway … or any mass transit for that matter. If you regularly have to spend your morning commute pressed like a sardine against someone who is dirty, sweaty, smelly, and suffering through their own mental health issues, you can’t help but develop a permanent case of resting bitch face. East Coasters’ defenses are constantly up because their defenses are constantly tested. Spend a decade in that environment and your first instinct when anyone comes in for a hug is a vicious throat punch. Sorry mom, but you kinda had it coming.
“Splat” shouldn’t be the sound of an embrace in anything but a post-coital environment, and yet here we are, hugging complete strangers like we just won the Jeopardy! grand prize of a Hawaiian vacation.
No matter how many needlessly phallic, shitstack condos Austin developers keep trying to shove down our throats, for the most part Texas still has a roomier feel. It’s a lot easier to keep a blissful post-yoga smile pasted on your face all day when the closest person to you in your yoga class is the instructor – and she’s so far away you can barely even hear her fart. So yeah, Texans are big huggers even though we are easily the fifth-sweatiest state in the U.S. It don’t make no damn sense. “Splat” shouldn’t be the sound of an embrace in anything but a post-coital environment, and yet here we are, hugging complete strangers like we just won the Jeopardy! grand prize of a Hawaiian vacation. I’m telling you it’s because Texans enjoy the luxury of a comfortable distance. When you’re pressed up against people all the damn time, the nicest thing you can do for them is to back the fuck off.
Now, you may well be correct in your assertion that your sister’s boyfriend has somehow ruined her Southern charm, but it might also be that she’s just spent too many years living outside the Sunshine State. I’m sure she still loves you, she’s just forgotten how to show it. Fortunately for you, big sisters have a lot of experience in leading by example, and I feel certain that if you greet her – and her boyfriend – with a big smile, a cheerful “Howdy,” and an awkwardly long, warm, loving embrace every single time they see you, they are eventually going to see (and share) the light. Either that, or they are going to move back to the East Coast because Texans are too cheerful and huggy.
This article appears in November 1 • 2024.
