Dear Luv Doc,
Two weeks ago, my GF of six months broke up with me over the phone on her way to a concert in Colorado with a guy she met at work. I was devastated. I had thought everything was going fine, so this came as a real shock. The worst part was that they were posting a lot of pics from the concert on Instagram and all of my friends kept calling and asking what’s up. It was really embarrassing and I didn’t know what to tell them, so I said I broke up with her. I know they are going to find out eventually. What should I do? Tell the whole world she broke up with me for a guy with a man bun?
– Shiton
At this early stage I don’t think there is anything I am going to tell you that doesn’t sound trite or snarky or insensitive. That may simply be because, as a person, I excel at all those things and struggle greatly with empathy and sincerity, which are two really valuable human traits that you would expect – dare I say demand – from a decent advice columnist.
So let me start with the hard part. Dude, that really sucks. Rejection never feels good even if the other guy looks exactly like you … or maybe Jason Momoa … because let’s be totally honest: If he looks like Jason Momoa you kind of have to give her a pass … unless you look like Jason Momoa. If you look like Jason Momoa, you can rest assured she has lost her mind.
See? I told you this isn’t in my skill set. Right now you’re hurting because someone you clearly hold (held?) in high esteem doesn’t feel the same about you. In fact, she didn’t even extend the courtesy of a sit-down – which I think most people would agree this kind of message deserves.
I know it might not feel like it right now, but I feel pretty certain you’re going to be better off without this woman. You’re going to do a lot of soul-searching in the upcoming weeks for sure, and maybe in time you can get to a place where you and she can sit down and talk about why she felt she needed to treat you this way. Or maybe not. Truth be told, she kind of sounds like a dick.
Should you tell the whole world she broke up with you? Hell, no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. That said, if you want to tell a few close friends that you’re devastated, that’s perfectly fine. To be vulnerable is to be human. Everybody … and I mean even Jason Momoa … goes through this shit … and they come out stronger. Maybe not Dothraki stronger, but you feel me.
And lastly, as easy as it is to bust on man buns – and believe me, I want to do that right now with every fiber of my being – try to hold your tongue. If you’re going to shit on man buns then you have to shit on woman buns, and woman buns are pretty hot. More importantly, they’re undeniably practical. You can’t criticize someone for being practical. Can you? I can’t.
Stay strong. You will get through this. You will eventually laugh about this and if for some reason, you’re down the road a few years and still can’t, give me a holler and I’m pretty sure I can find the humor in it even if you can’t.
This article appears in August 25 • 2017.
