Dear Luv Doc,
My boyfriend has been spending a ridiculous amount of time on ChatGPT – like the same amount of time he used to spend on Dungeon Fighter. We were out with some friends last night and I was complaining about it and he said I am jealous because he is spending a lot of time with a model – an artificial intelligence language model. Ha ha ha … he is so hilarious but low-key sometimes I want to choke him. But really he is spending almost as much time talking with ChatGPT as he does with me. Should I be worried?
– Not a Model
Good question Not a Model – such a good question, in fact, that I felt it irresponsible to use the same old AI I have been using for years – that being Actual Intelligence (which I think anyone who reads this column regularly knows is spotty at best) – and instead posed your question to ChatGPT. Here is ChatGPT’s response in its entirety:
Dear Not a Model,
It’s natural to feel a little jealous when your partner is spending a lot of time on something that isn’t you. However, in this case, it sounds like your boyfriend is just enjoying the company of an AI language model, not an actual model. While it may seem strange to you, it’s not uncommon for people to develop relationships with chatbots or other AI programs. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection on your relationship or your worth as a partner. That being said, if you’re feeling neglected or like your boyfriend is prioritizing his conversations with ChatGPT over spending time with you, it’s okay to bring it up and have a conversation about it. Let him know how you’re feeling and try to come to a compromise that works for both of you. Ultimately, the most important thing is open communication and understanding. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and work together to find a solution that makes you both happy.
Yours in love and lust,
The Luv Doc
OK, so first of all, that “Yours in love and lust” sign-off is just fucking gross. I hereby officially cancel ChatGPT for being egregiously pervy right out of the gate. Also, I’m maybe thinking ChatGPT is a dude because he clearly didn’t listen, otherwise he wouldn’t have repeated to you what you just told him: that you know ChatGPT isn’t a real model. I’m guessing he did it while manspreading, staring at your boobs, and binge-eating hot wings. Oh, and also, even if ChatGPT was just humblebragging, it is absolutely fucking strange to develop a relationship with a chatbot or other AI. Pay for a fucking therapist like a normal person – or if you have shitty health insurance – i.e., you live in America – just scream into a pillow in the bathroom. The Greatest Generation didn’t win World War II by sharing their feelings with paid professionals. They did it with alcoholism and strategic aerial bombardment, mostly. But yeah, the bit about communicating and expressing your feelings wasn’t terribly unintelligent even if it was artificial. So, in that spirit, I highly recommend you communicate to your boyfriend that if he doesn’t ease off the ChatGPT and spend more QT with his bae, the only action he is going to get is with his favorite model, and it doesn’t include a happy ending. OK then, good luck! I need to get back to these hot wings.
This article appears in March 10 • 2023.
