Dear Luv Doc,
I go out to lunch regularly with a group of co-workers. Some of us are friends and we do things together outside of work. I love my friends, but they have a really annoying habit of discussing things we do or people we know outside of work without giving any background or details to the people at the table who weren’t there and don’t know what we’re talking about. I think it’s really rude and when it starts happening I can see the co-workers who aren’t part of our friend group start to check out and not engage in the conversation. Am I wrong that this is rude or should I just expect them to ask questions if they don’t know what we’re talking about?
– Celeste
You’re spot-on with that shit, Celeste. That is totally rude. In fact, Marcus and I were just discussing that exact thing with Lynn the other day at the game and Lynn was all like, “Devil’s in the details, bitch. I need some backstory” and I was like “Word, yo,” because my friends and I like to talk like we’re in the Beastie Boys even though we’re not even from NYC or even the East Coast – well, except for Lynn. She’s from a state near there. She’s still pretty much a hillbilly though, and we give her shit about it all the time, even though she has a master’s degree or something. But seriously, that time when she broke her wrist? We were all like, “Damn girl, couldn’t your parents afford powdered milk when you were growing up?” OMG, I am laughing SO HARD right now!
So, you see what I am saying, Celeste? Your friends are kind of assholes, although I will give them the credit of being self-absorbed assholes. I think it’s a safe bet they haven’t given any consideration whatsoever to whether or not they are including everyone in the conversation. An even scarier thought is that they have considered it and just don’t care. I want to believe, Celeste, that you choose your friends more wisely than that.
I am going to assume that your friends just really love talking about their friends and the fun times they have – so much that perhaps they forget the people around them. That’s adorable in one sense, but it’s also something you would expect in an elementary school lunchroom. Elementary school kids get a pass, grownups should know better. Fortunately, they have a friend like you who can gently and diplomatically guide them toward the light. I’m sure you go to great pains to fill in the other people at the table about what your friends are talking about by interjecting with informative asides and by asking your friends annoyingly obvious questions. Stay the course. I feel confident they’ll come around.
This article appears in December 13 • 2013.
