Dear Luv Doc,
I’m throwing myself to the mercy of the dating site with no luck on finding that Match. What’s your recommendation for a single man who’s looking for a woman in her late 50s to early 60s in the ATX area? I’m attracted to women that have taken care of themselves or should I say take pride in themselves. Just trying to find a lady that’s in my league. I get it that the ones on the site are far and few between that are in the boat I’m in as far as the curb appeal but also realize they also have got to have a small group of men to choose from on their end. Seems like most of them just want to message back and forth and when it comes down to talking or doing a meet and greet they can’t bring themselves to do it! I’ve popped into a club or two but talk about depressing. I’m not looking for a Trophy GF. Hey money don’t buy you happiness on being single in my book but having someone to share your life with: priceless!
– Thanks RH
Well, RH, it sounds like you’re on the right track. Finding a lady in your league is going to be difficult – especially if you’re in a coed softball league. That smoking-hot, short-haired pitcher who drives a Subaru Forester with a pride sticker and wears cargo shorts and wraparound sunglasses might be a straight-up 10, but she’s out of your league even if she’s actually in your league, so don’t go throwing her any smoldering alpha male looks unless you want to catch some hands. Rest assured she can take care of herself and you and still have time to get home to watch Warrior Nun while she dry-rubs her brisket. No. That was not a euphemism.
Truly, I think it’s a wonderful idea to look for women in your league even though I am not exactly sure what that league is. Let’s just assume it’s the majors, because at your age – well, really at any age – the minors are a no-go. So, congratulations! You are officially in the rhetorical big leagues! Now what? Do you warm up in the bullpen waiting for the starter to shit the bed? No, sir. Not at your age! You have to get on the field. You’ve gotta show ’em your stuff. And once again, let me be very, very clear: Do not show your stuff to the minors. Pretty sure that’s super illegal. Even in Texas.
No, what I mean by “show ’em your stuff” is that no matter how much grandzaddy vibe you’re bringing in your shirtless-torso, bathroom-mirror profile pic, you have to bring the content to back it up. If there’s one thing I think you can confidently say about people in their late 50s and early 60s, it’s that they aren’t putting up with anyone’s superficial bullshit just to get laid. Don’t get me wrong, rock-hard abs are a plus, but it’s more important that you’re intelligent, kind, well-mannered, and interesting. And look, there’s no good reason you shouldn’t be after having more than half a century to figure it out. However, if your online profile or messaging gives the impression that the most interesting thing about you is the wax job on your vintage Mustang, it’s not hard to see why you’re not getting a lot of meet and greets.
That can’t possibly be the case, however, because you clearly have the wisdom and humility to ask the Luv Doc for advice, which I think we both know means you really don’t need any, do you? Since you’re already in your golden years you know that the most interesting thing about people is what they’re interested in; what they’re passionate about. For some it’s physical fitness, skin care, and vintage cars, for others it’s bird-watching, astrophysics, and furry animal costumes. Everyone has their fetish and obviously the permutations are nearly infinite, but if you want to find a special silver someone – someone to hold hands with while sitting naked in separate claw-foot tubs on a hillside watching the sunset – which Cialis is peddling as geezer foreplay – you’re going to need to be vulnerable enough to show people who you really are, warts and all. Old people are smart. That’s how they get old.
This article appears in February 3 • 2023.
