Dear Luv Doc,
For the third time in five years, my friend has quit a job that I helped her find. This time it was because she thought her supervisor was holding her back because the supervisor was intimidated by her intelligence. When I found out, I called a colleague at her company to ask if this was true. She said that the supervisor had told my friend numerous times to stop attempting to hijack meetings with her own ideas without checking in with the supervisor first. Apparently my friend got mad and reported her to HR. HR sided with her supervisor and my friend got mad and quit. This does not surprise me in the least. She had similar incidents in the previous two jobs I helped her get. She has always been one of those people who feels like everyone is out to get her. In our friends group, almost every conversation ends up being about the negative things happening in her life. Her cat is sick. Her neighbor is a creepy old man. Her sister won’t talk to her. She always thinks she might be getting sick. If for some reason she isn’t included in some social activity, it’s because she thinks people secretly hate her. And on and on.
After having that embarrassing talk with my colleague, I called her and said I would not be offering any more assistance regarding jobs because I don’t want her craziness to affect my reputation. I calmly suggested as a friend that she should talk to a therapist about her negativity and paranoia. She screamed, “How can I afford therapy if I don’t have a job?” And then hung up the phone. Since then, I have texted and called her numerous times, but she won’t respond. Yesterday I found out from another person in our friends group that I am “Dead to her for not having her back.” That is so untrue and so unfair. Should I try and defend myself or just leave it alone?
– Her Dead Friend
Imagine how frustrating it must be to always be the smartest person in the room: Having to endure the tedious yammerings and ill-formed ideas of unremarkable people – feeling the veins in your forehead swell with rage and indignation as people of below average … or average … or even above average intelligence yammer on about this or that, wasting your precious time when they cold just shut up and marvel at your brilliance. Of course, if their reaction is anything but fawning and obsequious, you pretty much have to assume that they are either imbeciles or insanely jealous and aligned in conspiracy against you. That’s the only thing that really makes sense.
This is exactly how Karoline Leavitt feels 24/7. It’s why she’s always complaining about being insulted and disrespected. What an immense burden to be such a profoundly misunderstood genius. I can only imagine RFK Jr. is similarly insulted when he has to explain why vaccines cause autism, or when President Whitesockets is asked to explain why tariffs are sound economic policy, or when JD Vance has to explain how funny and cool he is. Jesus, people! How are you not getting it?
If their reaction is anything but fawning and obsequious, you pretty much have to assume that they are either imbeciles or insanely jealous.
Judging by your description, your friend clearly suffers from similar frustrations. Sure, you might eventually get her to pick up the phone, but will she really hear you when you calmly voice your insulting and misguided understanding of her situation? My guess is no. Likely you’ll only get a few sentences in before she unleashes some paranoid tirade about how everyone is against her.
I could also be totally wrong. That’s the burden of average intelligence. Or perhaps I flatter myself, but that’s OK, because I like to stay positive. I mean, sure, we’re all just stupid meat puppets hurtling towards existential oblivion at 67,000 mph, give or take, but is that sufficient reason to hate and mistrust our fellow travelers? I don’t think so. I’ve done my share of negative thinking, and my data suggests that, overall, it does more harm than good. I would never try to convince someone else of that though, because I’m no genius. I’m happy to have avoided that curse. I think it’s a great idea to give your friend the time and space to prove her own genius without being saddled with the burden of your assistance. It may not work out for her, but it will most likely be great for you, and that’s surely what she would want if she were a true friend.
Listen to The Luv Doc Podcast about this week’s Luv Doc column!This article appears in May 9 • 2025.
