The Luv Doc: Marfa Letdown

Dear Luv Doc,

My girlfriend is about to turn “nearly 50” and she wants to have her birthday in Marfa because she says her friends all talk about how peaceful and beautiful it is. She wants to rent a house for the weekend for us and her four friends and their husbands, which will be a real stretch for my budget. I think I know her well enough to know it’s not something she is going to like. I was there back in 2012 for El Cosmico and it was pretentious, overpriced, and overcrowded. I know that was a long time ago, but I am betting that like Austin it has only gotten worse. I just don’t think it’s her type of scene and I think she is going to be disappointed, but her friends have her all wound up about it. Should I try to talk her out of it or shut up and go along with it even though it’s a bad idea? I hear Port A is nice this time of year… 

– Desert Rational

Dear God, she’s turning 50 and all she is asking is to go to Marfa with her friends? I’d say you’re getting off easy. She could have insisted you take her to a weeklong yoga retreat in Thailand … or maybe a gastronomical tour of the Amalfi Coast … or a shopping spree in Monaco. I probably don’t have to tell you this, but 50 is a big birthday. Regardless of the actual statistics, 50 is the point at which even the healthiest person starts to realize that the Almighty, in Her infinite wisdom, programmed in some planned obsolescence. That was a good call. Even the most scintillating conversationalist probably gets tiring after a few millennia. Point is, people really get in their feels about their 50th birthday, so generally they like to go big. Really big. I personally thought about skydiving, but decided there was about a zero chance I wouldn’t shit my pants, even if I was strapped to the back of a Screaming Eagle. Oh, and by the way, just for clarity’s sake, I am referring to a member of the 101st Airborne, and not an actual screaming eagle. I ain’t big on math, but I do get rudimentary physics.

Anyway, what I am saying is that your girlfriend’s Nearly 50th birthday is a layup. All you have to do to get to Marfa is survive I-10, which, though intimidating, is not impossible. Just understand that once you’ve negotiated the maddening scrum of Fredericksburg in springtime, you’re going to feel your accelerator foot get real heavy. Fight that feeling. It’s true you can probably burn down I-10 doing 95 and not get a ticket, but the stretch of road between Junction and the 67 turnoff to Alpine is treacherous due to neglect and menacing pieces of blown-out truck tires.  Yes, F-burg has a secret bypass, but you’ll need to DM me on that deal because once the word gets out, it’ll get clogged up with Instagram travel hack “influencers,” and I like to burn down that sumbitch like Wile E. Coyote on rocket skates – not because I can’t tolerate tipsy wine mom throngs and puffy dudes in lederhosen, but because my bladder is the size of a peanut and there is only one Stripes between 290 and Junction. Ed. note: I am disqualifying Waldo’s in Harper because they gave me the stink eye one time because I used their facilities and only bought a bag of fire Cheetos. That seemed like fair trade to me, especially since fire Cheetos (Formally known as “Flamin’ Hot Cheetos™” but universally pronounced “Far Cheedos” throughout the American South as a method used to profile Yankees and coastal elites) are maybe the worst thing you can eat in a car without an ample supply of wet wipes. 

Now, will I agree with you that Marfa in the slow season might be a bit of a letdown? Yes. April in Marfa will not be the bustling overcrowded town you experienced during El Cosmico 2012. What it will be is a nice, relatively peaceful, quiet, artsy little town with a dazzling night sky, and a handful of interesting places you can walk to at a leisurely pace. A little overpriced? Yes, but so is Austin. Most importantly, you and your girlfriend will be with a group of friends who are ideally in a celebratory mood. If they can’t cook up a good time in the middle of nowhere, they would probably be equally miserable in Port A.

This article appears in April 10 • 2026.