The Luv Doc: Lack of Response

Dear Luv Doc,

I keep “dating” people who seem emotionally literate right up until the moment anything becomes real. They can easily talk about attachment styles, therapy, boundaries, and “intentionality” like they’re Mel Robbins, but the second I ask whether we are actually doing this or just dancing around the word commitment, they suddenly become unavailable, overwhelmed, or “not in a place to define things.” I’m not asking for a ring, a mortgage, or their Netflix password. I’m just asking whether I should stop clearing my calendar for someone who treats every solid plan like it’s an optional suggestion. This seems to be the default setting for everyone in Austin under the age of 40. Everyone talks about good communication, but what they really mean is they want to be understood on the many occasions they can’t make a decision. Everyone is scared to be the bad guy, nobody wants to have the hard conversation, and everybody keeps one foot out the door in case something better or less emotionally demanding comes along. I’m starting to wonder whether social media has made us all terrified of being ordinary … like people used to be. How do you tell the difference between someone who is genuinely cautious and slow to reveal themselves and someone who just likes the feeling of being wanted without having to reciprocate it? How does a girl meet someone who knows how to RSVP?

– Worn Down by A-Town

Look, I don’t know much about Mel Robbins other than that she is not nearly as tanned, toothy, and jacked as her distant cousin Tony. It’s probably best that she dodged those bullets anyway. A person – even a bestselling self-help author – ought to be able to cut loose every once in a while – maybe go to a pizza buffet or something. You get the feeling that Tony Robbins might have a complete mental collapse if he didn’t have a whey shake for breakfast and skinless chicken breasts for lunch and dinner. You get the feeling that Mel is just one more tedious interview question away from going on a tequila bender in Juarez. Maybe it’s her ADHD. Maybe it’s her Roy Orbison glasses.

I may not know Mel well, but from the gist of your missive, you seem to get it. Words only carry weight if actions back them up. And look, no one knows better than me that words don’t always have to carry weight. This column is solid evidence of that. In a relationship, however – even in the most casual of relationships – there is a bare minimum of truth and reliability that has to exist for it to be functional. That’s just Human Relations 101. You don’t need to follow Mel Robbins to know that all relationships rely on mutual trust – even if that mutual trust is that we’re going to go to Frazier’s on Thursday and get hammered on $2 Coors Banquets. #productplacement You got to show up if you want to throw up®. You can talk all the smack you want about how many frosty mugs of Banquet you can pound, but unless you’re present to cash that check, ain’t nobody listening. Not even your therapist. 

I am not suggesting that the key to finding people who are unafraid of commitment is to start bingeing Coors draft. That’s a sucker’s bet. What I am saying is that because commitment – even the modest amount you’re looking for – is important to you, you have to hold that line. The minute one of those noncommital GenZennials starts waffling, ghost him. You don’t have time for that nonsense – especially not with Fat Orange AI Jesus trying to bring on the apocalypse. You need someone who is going to show up at 5:03pm at Frazier’s on a Thursday – ideally with a pile of ones and a voracious thirst. You find that guy and my guess is you will be willing to tolerate his blather about intentionality, boundaries, therapy, and attachment style – maybe even his thoughts on Mel Robbins. First, however, you’re going to need to get him to commit, but don’t overplay your hand.Your invite text should look something like this: “$2 Coors, 5:03pm Thursday, Fraziers? Respond Y/N. Lack of response = Dead to Me.”

This article appears in May 8 • 2026.