The Luv Doc: Go Get You a D

Dear Luv Doc,

I have been married for about seven and a half years now. We stopped having sex and being affectionate at year three. He said he didn’t want to have sex anymore. I was too much for him. My sex drive is higher than his. His attention was on work. Phone calls while on vacation, days off, and sometimes late at night. All the calls were on speakerphone. I fell into a deep depression and became used to not being made love to or touched. I met up with a younger man I had known for a while. He is 16 years younger than me. I went out with him. We talked, laughed, and had a great time out. We text a lot. We were both busy at our jobs. A conversation came up about us being intimate. I said OK. We had sex, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I am financially able to support myself. Should I leave? I don’t want to be with either one of them. I am done. I believe it is my time to enjoy myself. I don’t love my husband. I love me more. The younger guy just woke me up.

A Different Kind of Woke

Quick recap: 1) You haven’t had sex with your husband in over four years. 2) You can financially support yourself. 3) You had an affair with a younger man and enjoyed it. 4) You don’t love your husband. 5) You love yourself more. I’d say, yep. You should leave? Actually, to be specific: You should get a divorce. Honestly, even if you hadn’t mentioned the previous five items, taking work calls on speakerphone while on vacation … really anywhere other than an acoustically isolated office … is, I believe, sufficient grounds for a divorce. I’ll admit I may lack a fertile imagination, but I can’t think of a single situation in the world of business that is important enough to annoy random strangers, much less your vacationing spouse. 

Here is what business is: yours, not theirs. If it was theirs and they gave a shit they would be on the fucking phone call, ideally in an office with a closed door. Business, like masturbation, is an unattractive act of self-indulgence that should always be conducted behind closed doors. Nothing is more obscene than a grown-ass person walking down the aisle of an H-E-B talking loudly into the bottom of their cellphone about the importance of getting Gene from Acquisitions to be more of a team player. Fucking gross. You might as well be shrimping someone with toe fungus.

So yeah, for me the speakerphone item alone is a big red flag, but also, unless you’re being less than honest, you said you don’t love your husband. That’s a huge deal killer for most marriages, but I understand there are people who stick together for other reasons. Sometimes it’s finances, sometimes kids, and sometimes it’s simply because they love bickering. You’ve seen them: those cranky, argumentative people whose whole purpose in life seems to be making their spouse’s life more miserable. The people who really have a talent for disappearing from next year’s guest list.

If you hadn’t made your case so convincingly, I might have suggested maybe sharing your feelings with your husband to see if there’s maybe some wiggle room in your relationship, but it seems like your mind’s already made up. Your seven-year itch is more like full-blown scabies. It sounds like you’ve reached the point in your life where you have some desires you would like to explore that aren’t compatible with a committed, monogamous relationship. I am assuming you are middle-aged and feeling like it’s now or never. If you’re not middle-aged … if you’re … say … under the age of 30, I highly recommend you stop having sex with men who are 16 years younger. Pretty sure that’s illegal. Otherwise, go get you a D – and to be clear, when I say “D” I am talking about “Divorce.” There will be plenty of that other D waiting for you once the papers are signed.

This article appears in September 11 • 2026.