The Luv Doc: Feeling Neglected

Dear Luv Doc,

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. When we first started going out he was a lot more affectionate and thoughtful. He would sometimes buy me small gifts, take me out to new restaurants or shows, and he would talk to me about what was going on at work, etc. The best way to describe it is that he felt like more of a friend. Things started to change about two years ago. He got a job at a company in North Austin near the Domain. We live in SW Austin and it isn’t his ideal work situation, but it pays the bills. When he started he was only in the office four days a week, but there was a policy change and now he works all week and with the commute he doesn’t get home sometimes until 6 or 7pm. When he does get home we barely ever talk. We eat dinner and watch something on Netflix and go to bed. About once a week he goes and has drinks with his co-workers, which makes him even later getting home, and I end up feeling neglected. Last Thursday we had agreed to go on a bike ride after work. I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk to him about how I have been feeling. We never got to talk because he called from work and said he was going to have drinks with some co-workers. I reminded him about our bike ride and he said we can “do that anytime.”  I said I was going to go by myself and he said, “OK, I’ll see you later on.” I guess he is OK with me biking alone after dark. Also, he didn’t get back until after I was already done with my ride. When I tried talking to him, he said he was buzzed and just wanted to eat something and go to sleep. This kind of thing has been happening more and more, and I keep feeling more hurt. What do I need to do to get him to understand this is not OK?

Sad in Southwest Austin

You could move to the Domain. That would be a bit of a sacrifice in my opinion though, because Rock Rose leans pretty hard into the South Beach aesthetic. It’s not the worst place in the world, but I will never stop being amazed that somebody came to Austin, took a look around and said, “You know what this place needs? A little more Miami!” Judging by the numbers, that person was absolutely fucking right. Who knew a bankable percentage of Austin had been jonesing for a planned retail complex where they could dress flossy, wait 45 minutes for a table, and pay exorbitant prices for fancy cocktails? Not me! Although, to be fair, If I owned a Maserati, Rock Rose would absolutely be the place I would park it so I could lean against the passenger door with my shirt unbuttoned and bob my head to the Pitbull blasting out of the sound system. Somebody needs to tell Linklater he’s sleeping on a Slacker sequel. Not me. I’m too bashful.

All that said, I’m not sure moving to the Domain would solve your domestic dissatisfaction. Ideologically at least, South Austin has a different cultural vibe. Unlike their neighbors to the north, South Austinites like to present an image of folksiness, even if it comes at an exorbitant cost. Sure, they may charge an arm and a leg for a fancy cocktail, but they will give it a country-ass name like Armadillo Fart, Mangy Grackle, or Raunch Water. They’re also going to put a half-buried rusty pickup/tractor somewhere on the premises just so’s you know they ain’t putting on airs. We should probably be thankful for these superficial feints at authenticity. At some point somebody is going to take a look at South Austin and think to themselves, “You know what this place needs? A little more Miami!” 

As fun as it would be to try and weave it in, your problem doesn’t really have much to do with geography or cultural aesthetic, it’s a bit more fundamental. You’re on the right track though. If you expect more, you should definitely say it, and it sounds like that is your intention. It’s really rare to find an ideal time to have a hard conversation. Sometimes you just have to cut to the chase, say what you feel, and accept the outcome, even if it’s not ideal. From what you describe, it seems like this relationship might have run its course, but for your sake and his, it’s best to say the hard stuff out loud, so there’s no misunderstanding. Don’t be bashful! And good luck!

This article appears in August 14 • 2026.