Dear Luv Doc,
For the last several months my husband and I barely communicate even though we are both working from home and trying to homeschool our preteen children. Whenever I try to talk to him, he is moody and distant. He gets extra frustrated and angry with the kids for the smallest of reasons. I think he might be depressed and have suggested that it might be helpful for him to talk to a therapist, but he says he doesn’t believe in therapy. I don’t know how to respond to that. He is not getting any better and I don’t see how he is going to just snap out of it. I am normally a happy, easygoing person, but his moodiness is starting to wear on me and our kids. What can I do to get him to get the help he needs?
– Sad Mom
Well, Sad Mom, the nice thing about therapy is that, like science, you don’t need to believe in it to benefit from it. I’m sure that right now, somewhere in the world, there is a flat-earther yammering away on his iPhone about how NASA faked the moon landing. He’s probably drinking a glass of Tang, too – with a big, goofy, orange moustache, because you just know he has the motor skills and cognitive ability of a toddler. There he is though, talking on that miracle of modern science, slurping his Tang, happier than a pig in shit. Here’s the punchline: Science don’t give a fuck.
Scientific progress doesn’t grind to a halt just because some ass-picking idiot with a GED and a Facebook account declares that global warming is a hoax, or that vaccines cause autism, or that Jesus created the dinosaurs. Nope. Science just calls that fellow an “outlier” and goes marching right along, solving shit. And here’s the cool thing about science: If, for instance, there is an undeniable preponderance of data that shows Kenneth Copeland can cure cancer by talking in tongues, smacking people on the forehead, and screaming “Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!” you can be damn sure that Copeland Ministries will be swarming with clipboard-carrying dudes in lab coats. Fortunately, the last 60 or so years have proven to be no cause for alarm.
Point is, you don’t necessarily have to cure someone’s ignorance in order to cure them of some other malady. That’s great news for those of modest mental acuity! Just imagine if we denied a COVID vaccine to anyone who couldn’t do long division? That would be goddamned inhumane – like shooting your dog for stealing your sandwich off the table. Science isn’t Santa Claus. It doesn’t stop bringing you toys if you don’t believe in it. Quite the contrary – as any Tang-moustached flat-earther idiot will happily tell you.
So, in the most compassionate, patient, and understanding voice you can muster, tell your husband that you need him to start seeing a therapist as soon as possible, whether he believes in therapy or not. Why? Because you clearly have enough on your plate and you shouldn’t be expected to bear the burden of his mental health issues as well. Have him humor you by laying the burden of his moodiness on someone who is actually getting paid for it – and, as a side benefit, is actually trained to help with it. If that doesn’t work, you can kindly point out that there are millions of people who benefit from therapy whether he believes in it or not, so he might as well give it an honest try. Claiming therapy is useless or ineffectual without having actually undergone therapy is really just fear and ignorance masquerading as intelligence and only further stigmatizes mental health care to the detriment of society as a whole – sort of like a flat-earther. If your husband is going to be ignorant, it’s probably best he keeps it between him and his therapist.
This article appears in The 2020 Gift Guide Issue.
