Dear Luv Doc,
Saturday night our friends group had our once-a-month dinner club. The group usually consists of around 10 people depending on who is available and it’s usually a low-key, fun time for everyone. For the last few months my wife’s friend (let’s call her Sally), who divorced a few years ago, has been bringing her new boyfriend along. Everyone likes him OK but he is definitely one of those guys who has to be right about everything, which can be annoying. Our group is pretty chill though, so there really haven’t been any huge conflicts … until Saturday when Sally was telling everyone a story about getting cut off in traffic by a black Cybertuck whose driver hit his brakes and shot the finger out of his window once he got in front of her … or maybe at the car in front of him. She couldn’t tell. I’m not doing the story justice, but it was funny … until, in the middle of it, new boyfriend interrupted her and said, “It wasn’t a black Cybertruck, it was dark metallic blue.” They began arguing about it back and forth and so, to cut the tension, I said, “How is the color of the Cybertruck important to this story?” Everyone laughed. Her boyfriend, still obviously agitated, said, “Because facts matter.” No one laughed. He was sullen the rest of the night. Sunday night my wife told me she called Sally earlier that afternoon to check in on her and to apologize for my behavior. I said, “Apologize for what behavior?” She rolled her eyes at me and said, “Well, if it makes you feel any better Sally said her boyfriend was being a controlling jerk, but you didn’t need to say anything.” So, I ask you, Luv Doc, did my behavior necessitate an apology?
– Cut Down for Cutting the Tension
Blessed are the peacemakers … AMIRITE? Up top! Don’t leave me hanging bro. Look, if I had a penny for every time one of my solid-gold zingers was intensely underappreciated by its intended target, the government would probably discontinue the denomination entirely. Wait a minute … that’s right. We now have to pay a nickel for someone’s thoughts. Inflation? Au contraire! This is exactly the kind of diabolical monetary chicanery one would expect from a self-described “stable genius.” Why? Because genius thoughts by definition are worth more than the thoughts of your average idiot … or at least, so the genius thinking goes. Problem is, the people most likely to consider themselves geniuses are the ones least likely to possess genius. Damn you, Dunning-Kruger! How can you tell if you’re an actual Einstein or a “real Einstein?” Here’s a hint: You have a vague notion of the Theory of Relativity but absolutely no clue of how to explain the actual equation. Or … maybe you have a strong feeling your thoughts are worth a nickel. I know I sure don’t. Mine are free every Thursday and possibly overpriced.
But let me get back to your perceived insult: I get it. The idea that your inquisitory riposte demanded any kind of apology is ludicrous. If anything, you were doing a public service. It’s not like you carelessly blurted out some sort of angry admonition for a return to basic decorum which, in my humble opinion, would have been absolutely justified even if a bit dickish. Instead you chose to humorously point out the dickishness of the boyfriend’s unsolicited and unnecessary correction. While I will concede there might have been just a tiny sliver… a wisp… of ill intent on your part, it seems totes forgivable. You simply said what everyone else was clearly already thinking, thus the laughter – even if it was nervous laughter, which, let’s be honest, is at least the second-best medicine – right after that knee-slapping joke section in Reader’s Digest. My call is no foul – not on you, and not on your wife for trying to smooth the waters.
I think the real takeaway here is that there is only one color of Cybertruck: Douche. My most sincere apologies to any pure-of-heart, expensive gadget-loving tech bros out there feeling persecuted. I agree it’s not your fault the moon-faced baby daddy responsible for your stainless steel hot wheel dropped nearly 300 million to get his Epstein Island hot tub buddy elected and then celebrated by overmicrodosing ketamine and throwing up some obvious sieg heils, but dude, nobody sees you, they just see your douche canoe.
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This article appears in February 13 • 2026.
