Dear Luv Doc,
After a divorce several years ago I got back into the dating “scene.” I have dated several men since then and finally found a younger man that I really hit it off with. We get along great except for one problem: He constantly teases me about having pubic hair. It’s really starting to annoy me. I don’t see anything wrong with having pubic hair, but he says I am the only woman he’s dated who has it. Should I give in and wax? Is that what everybody’s doing now? I’m not sure I’m comfortable with having a stranger down there. I don’t think it’s a deal breaker with our relationship, but I’m starting to wonder.
– Chapped
Chapped, if this guy has a beard I want you to punch it. Really wind up and let him have it. Doe pop that disrespectful bastard so hard that you knock him back into his mother’s womb. Maybe she’ll get it right the second time around. Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord. The youth of today: with their hairless privates … and their interwebs … and their kombucha. Wait a minute. Scratch that. The Luv Doc does not advocate violence in any form, even though on occasion his thoughts do resemble the battle scenes from 300. Do not punch your boyfriend. OK, well, maybe you can punch him in Second Life, but in meatspace you have to settle for something less tactile – like a withering look.
Speaking of meatspace, if you’re partial to the jungle around yours, you should by no means make any attempt to appease your tormentor by undertaking a program of deforestation. The problem is not on your mons, the problem in his mind. Perhaps instead of depilating yourself, you can deprogram him. Chances are he’s been brainwashed by years of looking at hairless internet porn. In fact, he may not even understand that women actually have hair follicles down there. You might need to prove that you’re not some sort of hairy freak.
Start by introducing him to some classic nudity. Maybe buy him some Seventies Playboys on eBay. They’re really hairific! Once he sees a photo essay on an entire bushy volleyball team frolicking in a sudsy shower or a crew of unshorn stewardesses sunbathing at the nudie beach, he might change his modern ways. Then again, maybe not. However, a true gentleman never speaks about his lady’s happy valley other than to say he’s enjoyed his time there. You should let him know that if he wishes to make a return visit, he should shut his trap about your nap. The decision to go hairless is yours alone.
This article appears in July 19 • 2013.
