Dear Luv Doc,
I seek your sage wisdom. What is the secret to happiness in life?
— Signed, Not Too Happy Right Now
I know this is going to sound absolutely bonkers coming from one of Austin’s top 10 advice columnists (don’t get your panties in a wad, it’s just simple math), but people don’t really share secrets with me. OK, to be fair, Luv Doc questions are secrets, or at least we treat them as such. The submission form is completely confidential and if someone does slip up and include their actual name, we redact it – just like Pam Bondi did with the Epstein files.
Speaking of Epstein, he might well have been a Mossad operative compiling kompromat on high-level American politicians and public figures … who just happened to appear in lots of chummy photos with President Pussygrabber, but we will never know because he “hung himself” in prison on said president’s watch. Thankfully, Trump’s attorney general provided surveillance footage of the jail cell that revealed nothing remarkable … except for a one-minute-and-two-second time-stamp jump that occurred just before midnight. I think we can all agree that there is no way the Mossad or any other well-trained group of assassins could fake a suicide-by-hanging in one minute and two seconds. We can now put our minds at ease and take President Pussygrabber’s advice from his unhinged Truth Social post: “Let’s not waste Time and Energy on Jeffrey Epstein.” Indeed. Let’s not. It’s too soon.
Maybe Greg Abbott rolls around grinning like an idiot because he has somehow rewired his mind to absolve himself of all his ineptitude, malfeasance, and criminal negligence.
Like Gov. Abbott said in his WTFF? presser on the Kerrville floods, “[blame] is the word choice of losers.” Well spoken, sir. All those irate MAGA minions currently losing their shit about Epstein’s Isle of Pedophile need to stop playing the blame game. That’s loser talk. Similarly, all the liberal armchair quarterbacking about the Kerrville floods and how federal money from the “criminal, treasonous, communist” Biden administration got spent on new radios for the Kerr County Sheriff’s Department instead of flood warning sirens is just abhorrent. Too soon – just like it’s still too soon to talk about Sutherland Springs or Uvalde. There is literally nothing that could have been done to prevent those tragedies, and throwing Governor Roomba under the bus for sucking up to the gun lobby instead of passing meaningful gun control legislation is in really poor taste. Shame on anyone who would complain about such criminal ineptitude when they could be offering thoughts and prayers. How could public safety officials and legislators could even have imagined such a catastrophic tragedy in Flash Flood Alley? That’s crazy talk. It’s also too soon, so don’t even think it. Most importantly, don’t accept the blame. Blame is for losers.
Maybe the secret key to happiness is to never accept blame. Maybe Greg Abbott rolls around grinning like an idiot because he has somehow rewired his mind to absolve himself of all his ineptitude, malfeasance, and criminal negligence. Like they say: Ignorance is bliss. Maybe willful ignorance qualifies as well, because there are some unjustifiably blissful motherfuckers holding public office – and not just in Texas. This goes all the way to the White House. We can fix that … if we’re willing to be gauche enough to place blame.
If, like Eve, you fucked up and feasted on the fruit of knowledge, bliss might be a bit beyond your reach. Sometimes the best you can hope for is to not dwell on your own misery. One of the best ways of doing that is by helping others. There is so much opportunity for that right now, but really there always has been. You just have to make a conscious effort. The good news is that thinking people are well equipped for making conscious efforts. They just need to let go of their thoughts and prayers and take action. If you want to keep that a secret, I won’t stop you.
Listen to The Luv Doc Podcast about this week’s Luv Doc column!This article appears in July 18 • 2025.
