Dear Luv Doc,
My parents are in their late 70s and still live in the same South Austin house I grew up in. They have been retired for more than 10 years at this point, but during COVID my mom started showing signs of dementia which have worsened in the last few years. My dad has done an admirable job taking care of her, but I can tell that caring for her has started to wear on him. The worst part of this is that they are snippy/mean to each other nearly all the time – not just when I visit but during family gatherings. It’s really awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. My wife doesn’t even want to go visit them anymore. It’s sad because they used to get along really well. My sister – who lives in Houston – keeps saying we should make them move into an assisted living community, but my dad isn’t even remotely open to the idea. I think he’s also a bit insulted that we think he isn’t taking good care of our mom. My younger brother – who lives in the Bay Area – has called me twice this month to say basically the same thing. I agree with them, but my parents are really stubborn, and there’s only so much I can do. I can’t just snap my fingers and make it happen. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get them to change their minds about assisted living?
– The South Austin Son
Interestingly, the name of the biweekly that preceded The Austin Chronicle was a counterculture rag called the Austin Sun, which was helmed by a charismatic fellow named Jeff Nightbyrd, who used to come into the Chronicle offices to place ads for his powdered urine: “100 percent pure urine suitable for unanticipated urine demand,” which he said some people might employ to pass government-mandated drug tests, which were all the rage back when drugs were plentiful, cheap, and the scourge of American youth. Before I get all misty-eyed about the Huey Lewis years that “ruined Austin’s laid-back, Armadillo World Headquarters vibe,” I simply meant to say, “Who knows how things might have gone if Nightbyrd had picked a side of the river and called it the South Austin Sun? Maybe he might not have been forced to peddle dried urine. Then again, I never got the feeling he was forced. Beneath the guise of Nightbyrd’s counterculture champion beat the heart of a true capitalist. And really, who could have known that vials of dried urine wouldn’t sell like crack? Not me. Certainly not Jeff.
Who knew Texas was in such dire need of a groveling, red-nosed truffle pig to sniff out illegal THC sales?
It wasn’t until the following millennium that former Eagle Scout and Ivy Leaguer Donnie Rumsfeld smart-bombed the American psyche with his famous “There are things we know we don’t know” quote. Until then, Americans acted like we knew all the things. Turns out we didn’t. Dried urine never really took off the way crack did. Nowadays we know even less than we did then, but somehow we’re actually proud of it. Yeah, I’m looking at you Dan Patrick, you jowly, imbecilic fraud of a lieutenant governor. Who knew Texas was in such dire need of a groveling, red-nosed truffle pig to sniff out illegal THC sales? Talk about a scourge … thoughts and prayers.
Unlike Lieutenant Dan, your sister and brother are surely coming from a place of well-intentioned love and concern, even though they might not have a full understanding of the situation on the ground. It sucks that by default you are the one left holding the bag. Maybe you can get your brother and sister to fly in and have a family intervention of sorts? In general though, parents have a hard time listening to their children – no matter how many advanced degrees they pile up. It might be useful to enlist the help of one of your parents’ friends or contemporaries to urge them to make the switch to assisted living while they still have a say in the matter. Perhaps you know someone who has already made that switch who can help you sell the idea? It’s definitely going to be a hard sell, but not as hard as dried urine.
This article appears in April 4 • 2025.
