Dear Luv Doc,
I just started dating a guy who I like very much. He’s funny, interesting, and fun to be around, and he’s a total gentleman, except he has one problem: He always seems to be high. I mean, he actually gets high when I am with him, and when I haven’t actually seen him get high, he seems high anyway. I am uncomfortable with this for two reasons. The first is that, in this state at least, pot is illegal, and the second is that he seems to need to be high all the time. I would like to see what he’s like when he isn’t high, but I am scared I might not like him. What do you think? Should I ask him to ease up on the ganja?
– Secondary Smolder
Thanks for the question, Smolder. This is exactly the kind of deep, philosophical dilemma that people tend to fixate on when they’re smoking pot. In fact, I should probably smoke a bowl right now before attempting to answer this question, but there are strict guidelines against drug use here at the Chronicle, and for good reason. You start power-bonging on deadline day and you end up with Daniel Johnston on the cover (cue the strident debates on the artistic merits thereof).
I will freely admit to being something of a moral relativist concerning drug use. My feeling is, no harm, no foul, and as far as pot goes, I have never personally witnessed a stoned person being a menace to anything other than a bag of Funyuns. I say, “Live and let live.” Law enforcement has bigger fish to fry than fried people scarfing Goldfish. I’d really rather see them go after people who don’t use their turn signals. I don’t have a problem with people violating unjust and poorly conceived laws. Here in Texas (and somewhat amazingly in 11 other states), sodomy is currently illegal. Who doesn’t love sodomy? I mean other than the vengeful bastards who wrote the Old Testament and seem to have invented it?
As far as Mr. Wake and Bake, I can see where you’re coming from, and it’s a place of personal insecurity. Either you want to change him because you don’t approve of habitual drug use (legitimate enough), or you want to change him because you want him to be the best him he can be. That, dear Smolder, is a doomed endeavor. You should never trust your instinct to involve yourself into a fixer-upper relationship. That means you are willing to settle. You are not the Bob Vila of love. You deserve a brand-new, perfectly built house of a relationship, and if Mr. Spicoli doesn’t embody that, it’s OK. You can still just enjoy him as a person. He may not be your soul mate, but he’s probably a good dinner date – especially at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
This article appears in February 26 • 2016.
