Dear Luv Doc,
I have been dating this guy off and on for almost a year. We met last April and hit it off instantly. He is good-looking, funny, charming, all the things. My friends think he is great too. I really thought he might be “the one” until last weekend. His parents – who I had never met – came to town from Houston and he asked me if I would like to meet them. We decided to go to dinner at a Downtown restaurant. We were supposed to pick them up in front of their hotel but it was rush hour, so we were about 15 minutes late. When we got there his mom was waiting out front. She said that her husband was throwing a tantrum and had gone back into the lobby to have a drink. I sat in the car and had a perfectly lovely conversation with his mom while he went and got his dad from the lobby. From then on, in the car all the way to the restaurant, his father was berating his mother for “stupidly” waiting outside for us when we could simply call them when we got there. During dinner he started in again. When I tried defend her, my boyfriend said, “Well, it was kind of stupid.” His mom said, “Please don’t call me stupid in front people I don’t know” and my boyfriend said, “Mom, this is my girlfriend, and you’re overreacting as usual.” He seemed really annoyed. His mother, to her credit, sweetly said, “and she seems wonderful, but you shouldn’t talk to me that way.” He rolled his eyes and said “Whatever” and continued eating. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to slap him right there. Later, after we dropped his parents off, I asked him, “Do you always talk to your mother like that?” and he said, “Sometimes. She says a lot of stupid sh*t.” When he dropped me off I told him not to come in because I was tired. I haven’t spoken to him since. He keeps texting me to go out, but that dinner really messed me up. My friends think I should give him another chance, but they weren’t there. They don’t know. Am I being too judgmental? That behavior seemed like a really big red flag.
– Shocked Girlfriend
Huge red flag. Texas-sized. Good for you for trusting your gut. This guy’s dad is clearly a terrible role model. Also, as long as you’re considering slapping people, add your friends to that list because they are giving you horrible advice. Give him another chance? WTF? Look, I realize that there are plenty of people who present one way to people they don’t know and are absolute terrors to friends and family. However, from what you described, that is unlikely the case here. Your (hopefully ex) boyfriend was in no way injured by his mother’s behavior. If anything, she was clearly trying to help out. It seems pretty obvious that his behavior toward her is due to some sordid baggage of which you are unaware. Even if she is a horrible person, she didn’t deserve her son’s disrespect in that moment. Something is rotten in Denmark … or Houston, but to be fair, something always smells rotten in Houston, so …
Something is rotten in Denmark … or Houston, but to be fair, something always smells rotten in Houston
It’s important to remember here that the type of behavior your boyfriend displayed on your dinner date with his parents is almost never a one-time deal. You’ve probably had hints of this before. My bet is that he is really dismissive, condescending, or even rude to people he doesn’t feel he has to be nice to. You know, people in service positions like waiters, or counter people, or cleaning people – really anybody he feels superior to … like his mother. I could be wrong. Or, maybe he’s devious enough to keep his contempt under wraps just long enough to impress you with his charm, good looks, and sense of humor. From what you’re telling me, it’s most likely the latter. Just so I’m perfectly clear: If he treats his mother disrespectfully, you are most likely going to be next in line – probably waiting outside on the street for your unnecessarily tardy son while your asshole husband has a drink at the bar.
Lastly, I just want to say that you immediately putting the kibosh on that relationship really warms my heart. You made the right decision. Stick by it. You don’t want to be 10 years down the road and realize you married JD Vance … or worse yet, his corrupt, bloviating, spray-tanned mentor. Ick.
This article appears in March 21 • 2025.
