Dear Luv Doc,
After the holidays, I always feel a little bit depressed. Another year has gone by and I am still single and even more out of shape and all the gyms are full and I can’t even find a g%&$*mn open treadmill. Plus it’s cold outside. What’s the use of trying to get in shape when most of the men I meet are either married or total douchewads? What should I do? Send me a ray of hope for my seasonal affective disorder.
– Mallsy
You’re already firing hard out of the blocks for 2016 with this missive, Mallsy. Well done. Congratulations on taking a first, huge step on the road to awesomeness. You could have just done like a lot of people and put on some frumpy old sweats, peeled open a roll of cookie dough, and settled into your sofa to binge-watch all nine seasons of Scrubs, but instead, you decided to get help. That’s the first step: recognizing you have a problem.
Here’s the second step: recognizing that you don’t have a problem. Think about it: You live in the greatest country in the world – certainly by American standards – and you have enough money for a gym membership. You also have enough free time to pen a letter to me. That means you’re both literate and have a keen sense of irony – both strong indications you aren’t throwing skinny elbows trying to catch a bag of rice off the back of an Oxfam truck in Somalia. Color me clairvoyant. Bottom line: In the overall spectrum of the human condition, you are absolutely crushing it.
Yes, you might have a bit of a muffin top, and you might wear more cat hair than a club kid wears glitter, but all in all, you’re living la dolce vita. Therefore, it’s time to start giving back. Instead of spending a lot of energy making yourself happy – which I think you and I both know is a lot harder than it seems – try making someone else happy instead. That’s right, you need to put on some happiness training wheels. Start on the green slopes.
People (other than yourself) are real happiness pushovers. All they really want is some affection, or some food, or sex, or some amusement. My guess is you’re completely able to provide at least two or three of those without much effort at all. If you really want to take it to the next level, you can actually inquire about and/or anticipate the needs and desires of others. My guess (and you can certainly sue me if I’m wrong) is that if you put in enough dedicated work trying to make other people happy, you might just learn how to make yourself happy as well.
This article appears in January 8 • 2016.
