Dear Luv Doc,
My boyfriend got a new job in September and now he barely texts me anymore. When he was at his old job we used to text back and forth all the time during the day, but now I am lucky if I get one text during the day. He says he reads my texts but sometimes he doesn’t have a chance to respond to them so basically he will only text me during lunch every other day or so. I have told him it makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me as much as he used to, but he claims it’s his new job situation. Am I being too needy? It feels like he is just using this new job as an excuse to ignore me.
– Textless in Travis Heights
First of all, congratulations on having an employed boyfriend! Some might say that’s a low bar, but there are an unsettling number of fellows these days who claim to be “employed” as DJs, or bitcoin miners, or social media influencers who seem to have a suspicious amount of free time on their hands – certainly enough to renovate old Sprinter vans or while away the afternoon in coffee shops writing film scripts. The crotchety old man in me wants to shake my fist at them – ideally while standing on my lawn wearing a coffee-stained bathrobe that looks like it hasn’t been washed in a couple of decades – but I suspect my incredulous outrage would only be met with a mixture of amusement and confusion. I probably shouldn’t get my panties in a wad. Austin is what it is. People didn’t move here for the meatpacking jobs.
Nonetheless, it’s a fantastic thing that your boyfriend is employed. Imagine if he was home all day scrolling through TikToks or worse yet, making his own by dressing your cat in little leprechaun outfits. I mean yes, they would be super adorable and he would probably get millions of views, but is that the way a grownass person should spend their days? I am legitimately asking because it sounds like it would be amazing – much better than packing meat.
I don’t know if your boyfriend is a meat-packer, but given that he actually has a job that requires him to go someplace separate from you, there is a decent chance his employers are expecting him to be working during the day and not texting his girlfriend. I know that sounds like some sort of hellish dystopia but try to keep an open mind. There was a time not long ago when people had to fake addiction to nicotine just to get to stand outside in the cold and bitch about their bosses. Nowadays smokers are pariahs who unduly burden the company health insurance plan and are secretly regarded by their employers as fomenters of socialist revolution. Bottom line is that the bosses still like to call the shots and most aren’t too keen on their employees doing a lot – or sometimes even a modest amount – of texting. We had our shot. We could have voted for Bernie.
All of this is to say that it is entirely possible your boyfriend doesn’t feel like he can text you during work hours. That wouldn’t be the most unusual situation. That said, it’s also unlikely he has been conscripted into a sweatshop with no ability to contact the outside world. Thanks to those nicotine-addicted socialists he probably has a lunch break and other regular breaks, depending on the enlightenment and temperment of his capitalist overlords.
So, have a sit down with him and let him know how important it is to you that you communicate regularly during the day. If he says he absolutely can’t, ask him why specifically. If he doesn’t answer to your satisfaction, suggest he find new employment that allows him a few minutes during the day to communicate with his girlfriend or he will need to find a new one. After all, a bad alibi can only pass for a legitimate excuse for so long.
This article appears in November 11 • 2022.
