The Luv Doc: A Husky Lumberjack

Dear Luv Doc,

A couple months ago, my husband of seven years brought up the idea of us becoming swingers. He mentioned hearing about it online, and said it would be a great way to “spice things up” for us. At first, I laughed off his suggestion because he’d always make crude remarks like that; however, he kept pushing the idea. There’d be times when we’d be out, and he’d point out different men, asking if I’d “let them be our third.” It got to a point where I just began rolling my eyes when he brought up the topic. For my 38th birthday, he surprised me with tickets to a four-day Virgin Voyages cruise to the Caribbean, plus matching upside-down pineapple T-shirts as a “gag gift,” which I didn’t find amusing. The first two days of the cruise were fantastic. He was abnormally sweet the whole time, which I chalked up to us being on vacation; however, on the third night while we were drinking in the nightclub, he brought up how “spontaneous and free” we used to be. I reminded him we were on a ship in the Caribbean, which he promptly corrected that he meant sexually. I tried to ask what he meant, but he leapt off to the bathroom, leaving me alone in shock. Personally, I thought our sex life was normal, maybe a bit vanilla, but what’d you expect for two thirtysomethings. About half an hour later, he returned with this husky lumberjack-looking guy and introduced us. At this point I wanted to leave, but not wanting to cause a scene, I decided to stay and chat for a while. The guy seemed nice, but the whole time we were talking, he was looking at us strangely. Eventually my husband pulled me aside and asked if I’d be willing to invite him back to our room to “try something new.” Freaking out, I told him no and asked why he’d even want that. He went off about how he feels we’ve “lost our spark” and that he wants more excitement in our relationship. After going back and forth, I stormed back to our hotel room and locked him out. The rest of the trip was ruined, and we barely talked. Once we got home, things went somewhat back to normal; however, I can’t stop thinking about what happened. I’m not sure if bringing it back up is even worth it, as it might cause a huge argument; however, I fear that if I don’t bring it up, he might seek his sexual desires to be fulfilled by someone else. What should I do?

Sincerely, The lady with a swinger husband

When this question comes up, as it does every now and again, usually it’s a man trying to get his wife/girlfriend to let him bring another woman into the relationship. This husky lumberjack fellow presents a bit of a twist. It’s hard to even imagine a husky lumberjack fellow on a Caribbean cruise. The best I can come up with is someone who vaguely resembles Travis Kelce in flip-flops, cargo shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt – sort of a tropical bear vibe – and sadly, sort of a Boogaloo Boys vibe as well. Hopefully your husband isn’t a white supremacist, but history has shown conclusively that white dudes ruin everything. 

I get it though: Not everyone is down with that whole bear vibe. Thankfully for me, some women like their men hairless as a manatee. Also, not everyone is into swinging, regardless of the level of hairlessness of all parties involved, and that’s OK. Since it’s clear that you’re not into husky lumberjack fellows and/or swinging, I think it’s totally fair to ask – with as little judgment as possible – if your husband is, especially since he arranged that whole deal. He could have totally chosen a twink. Also: You might, like me, be curious as to how he recruited that guy. I am imagining it was a super awkward conversation. The husky lumberjack might have just been luck of the draw, or he might have been part of  the plan for a long time. You need to know even if it does cause a huge argument. This is the man you married. If he’s into husky lumberjacks, ignoring his desire will only lead to trouble.

This article appears in August 28 • 2026.