Dear Luv Doc,
I work at a Downtown coffee shop as a barista. It’s not my chosen profession, it’s what I do to pay bills while I am working on my degree. Most of my customers are nice people and regulars. This morning I was talking to one of the regular customers about different varieties of coffee. I was trying to explain to her the difference between fruity- and nutty-tasting coffees. We’d been talking for a while, but not more than five minutes or so when a guy in a suit a few people back in the line said in a very angry voice, “Excuse me, could we have this conversation some other time? Some of us are trying to get to work!” I told him I was trying to explain the different types of coffee and he cut me off and said, “Google it!” and stormed out cursing about me. I know people sometimes have bad days, but what gives him the right to speak to me like that? I was just doing my job trying to live my life and he thinks it’s OK to curse at me? Because he didn’t leave for work early enough? So much for Austin being a “laid-back city.” Do you have any good lines I can say to people like him when they lose their cool?
– Baffled Barista
Yes! I do! The easiest one would be, “I’m so sorry! Please be patient. I am still learning how to do my job efficiently.” I know, I know, the old “win ’em over with penitence” approach hasn’t been very popular since the Middle Ages, but you’d be surprised at how effective it is when dealing with someone who’s throwing a tantrum. It really helps them feel like they are being heard. Of course, the downside to that approach is that you have to sublimate your ego in order to move past the point of conflict and achieve a swift resolution. I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not for everyone. That said, being a barista is not for everyone. In fact, to go one further, being in the service industry is not for everyone – especially not for those who don’t have a clear understanding of what service they are actually providing and why it’s valuable.
I’mma be honest. That dude in the suit could have totally been me – as long as the suit had some really cool, embroidered, pink bald eagle feathers and tequila bottles and whatnot, because otherwise, why even have a suit? But anyway, that totally could have been me losing my shit. Like anyone else, I have had those days. I have had those moments of utter bewilderment when the situation playing out in front of me doesn’t jibe with my sense of reality and I think to myself, “Is it me, or is this fucking barista having a leisurely conversation about coffee varietals with – pretty sure I read this right – a minimum of three other people waiting in line?” Not today, Jesus. Not today. Please call the owner of your coffee shop immediately and demand that your manager be fired.
Because … and let me be very clear about this … a reasonable person should be allowed to have a reasonable expectation that a service industry employee is at least trying to provide service in a fast, efficient manner. Ask yourself: Does anyone ever want slow, apathetic service? OK, I mean other than in a marijuana dispensary, because, let’s be honest: Stoners get really freaked out by people who move too quickly. But in a coffeehouse? In the morning before work? People want that caffeine hit and they want it yesterday. I don’t mean to oversimplify, but that’s pretty much it. Getting coffee fast is like 98% of the job. No one wants some dopey-eyed dreamer carving a meticulously detailed tree of life into the foam of their latte – well, not unless they can get it done in like five seconds. Otherwise, save that shit for the 10am social media influencer crowd who will be camping out all day with their laptops anyway.
So anyway, I’m sorry that guy in the suit was a dick to you. That’s not OK – even if he was insanely frustrated by your inability to efficiently serve your customers. Not everyone is good at their job. Well, not yet at least. The robots are coming and they are going to make a five-second tree of life latte. Count on it. Until then, have you considered being a pet sitter?
This article appears in August 25 • 2023.
