On September 22 at 7:05pm, we officially said goodbye to summer. Unofficially, however, Texas summer is like a toxic ex who insists on lingering far past their welcome until everyone involved is exhausted. Here in Austin, the turn of the season is not marked by crisp weather or changing leaves (that time will come), but by an aggressive campaign from the pumpkin spice lobbyists, an influx of out-of-towners for Austin City Limits, and the determination to break out a flannel button-down, sweat be damned.
At the exact moment of the turn, I was at Kerbey Lane Cafe with a friend of mine, catching up over two enormous plates of chicken and pancakes. Every season, we sit down over a meal and come up with a theme to give shape to the grind of our 9-to-5s (Rest in Peace, Dolly). What do we do with this theme? Sometimes we craft a bingo card or a bucket list, other times we just write it in our shared note and reference it in our text messages. The theme is determined strictly based upon vibes. Examples include Indie Sleaze Summer, Slow Burn Fall, Rich & Successful Winter, Lazy Days Spring, Space Cowboy Summer, and currently: Moon Phase Fall.
Much ink has been spilled over the stoner side quest. The archetypal stoner is dazed and confused, unable to find their car, encountering a series of obstacles and distractions on the way to get a cheeseburger, possibly even on the run after witnessing a crime. As an intellectual stoner, I would argue that in today’s attention economy, where so much of what we do, what we think about, and how we identify is dictated by the corporate interests, the stoner side quest has become something of a lost art, even perhaps a small act of rebellion, anti-capitalist in its nature of wasting time and accomplishing nothing.
With this in mind, here are some side quests I plan to get distracted by in the coming months, my fall stoner manifesto, if you will:
Practice a hobby I’m bad at: For me, this is practicing the acoustic guitar my dad handed down to me from his college days. I took a few lessons back in the day (BC, Before COVID) at South Austin Music and learned enough chords to play “Big Jet Plane.” Although my progress plateaued years ago, I still get enjoyment from pulling the guitar out of its case and strumming for half an hour after a smoke session on the balcony. If you plan to practice a hobby as one of your fall side quests, it is essential that it is not a hobby you are currently good at or plan to monetize. To qualify for the fall stoner manifesto, it must be practiced purely for enjoyment, not improvement or capital gain.
Have a Lord of the Rings marathon (extended editions): After two years with my girlfriend, I think she loves me enough for me to sit her down for nine hours of hobbit and wizard content. As a Lord of the Rings purist, I will be playing the extended editions, perhaps over a long weekend or if she gets the flu. Our journey through Middle-earth will involve thematic lighting, edibles, and the story of Viggo Mortensen breaking his toe.
Go to Pumpkin Nights: If you haven’t driven out to Pioneer Farms for Pumpkin Nights, you may not be living up to your full side quest potential. A half-mile path leads you through a mystical and enchanting series of thematic pumpkin scenes, featuring over 10,000 hand-carved, custom-designed pumpkins. There’s food and a fire show, and a chance to recapture the childlike wonder you may have lost along the way. Pumpkin Nights (which I sometimes also call “trail of pumpkins”) is a deeply immersive and physical experience mercifully untouched by generative AI.
Write at a coffee shop: After spending all day writing technical documents and emails at work, and many an evening writing for the column, I have been trying to find my way back to the imaginative world of fiction through writing a new novel. My project doesn’t yet have a plot or a point, and will probably never generate any income (much like my first novel), but the very process of allowing myself to sit and write without a deadline, and without the responsibility of reality to restrain me, has brought me joy. It turns out Hemingway never said “Write drunk, edit sober,” but I think he would have enjoyed writing with a joint and an iced latte at Once Over Coffee Bar on a breezy autumn afternoon.
Check out novels from the library: When was the last time you borrowed a physical book from the Austin Public Library? In a city where it feels like it costs $50 just to leave the house, the library stands as one of the last remaining beacons of socialist potential until we wrangle our own Mamdani. You can get a library card for free, check out a book for free, attend crafting events, and pick up seeds for your garden all – you guessed it – for free. Physical books themselves are one of the few modern pastimes that don’t require a subscription fee or assault your eyes with targeted ads for GLP-1s and red light therapy masks. Reading fiction is an adventure in the true spirit of the side quest; you do not read fiction to learn information or self-help techniques, but for the pleasure of exercising your imagination and expanding your empathy.
Host a house party: I’m trying to convince my generation that not every hangout has to be at a trending brewery. In an effort to revive the days of old, I plan to host what will technically be an “apartment party” as the lease on my one-bedroom apartment comes to an end and I say goodbye to my bachelor pad era. The aesthetic will rely heavily on millennial nostalgia with 2010s indie music, some homemade baked goods, and an existential smoke session.
Track the phases of the moon: Since it is, after all, Moon Phase Fall, I plan to make it a point to know what moon phase we are in and maybe even learn a little bit about what it means (Waxing Gibbous 83.8% as I write). I’ll be apprenticing with the spiritual women on the internet to implement full moon manifestations and new moon rituals. If I attract joy and abundance into my life, that will be a fringe benefit of the side quest itself: admiring the moon.
Whether you follow along with my fall stoner manifesto or create one of your own, consider taking your side quests seriously this fall and revel in pleasure for its own sake. Not everything has to increase shareholder value or develop your personal brand. Sometimes the real beauty of life is the time we wasted along the way.
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This article appears in October 2 • 2026.
