Too many years ago to even think about now, a bunch of us worked at The Daily Texan. At the beginning of one semester, I did a preview article on all the films the different on-campus series would be featuring during the next semester. When I finished the piece, I went home.
Chronicle publisher and my longtime partner in crime Nick Barbaro decided the piece wasn’t quite complete. Now, in a way, I still don’t fully comprehend how an astonishing number of people, even now, don’t seem to realize what a profoundly twisted and nearly pathological person Barbaro is. He added a paragraph, perfectly matching my style, in which he generously noted that if anyone couldn’t make any screening for any reason, they should simply call me at home. I would be happy to arrange a screening at my house (this was in the days before video; we had a 16mm projector set up in the living room).
Nobody noticed the addition, written word-for-word as though by me, and it was printed in the Texan the next day. This was also before caller ID, and we were too poor for an answering machine, so for a couple of weeks I answered the phone only with great reluctance.
The other afternoon, I listened to a fascinating candidates’ forum between Ben Bentzin and Donna Howard on KUT-FM. Truth be told, Bentzin was all over Howard, wiping up the floor with her.
When it came to toll roads, Bentzin was against them – and if they did happen, he wanted the tolls taken down as soon as the roads were paid for. He was, of course, in favor of new roads, but also for strengthening property rights, so that planning new roads could be as difficult and expensive as possible. He was also opposed to any new taxes.
When it came to schools, Bentzin wanted to abolish Robin Hood in favor of substantial property tax reform. Bentzin wanted to see every student in Texas receive the best education possible and, once they did, he supported a voucher program for the 300 worst-performing schools.
This is when I remembered Barbaro’s cruel stunt of a couple of decades back. I was surprised, as it seemed obvious, but why didn’t Bentzin simply give out his home phone number and offer to tutor any child in his district who was having trouble in school? As he was promising each and every voter almost anything they wanted to hear, why not take that extra step past the predictable Republican agenda into the area of the true genius – that of the magnificently ridiculous, and not just the mundanely so that we are all too used to?
Poor Donna Howard – trying to offer reasonable, grounded discussions on these buzzword issues – was no match. In general, as a politician, she has nowhere near the learning curve that Bentzin has demonstrated. After his vicious attack ads on Barrientos in the last campaign didn’t work, he launched even more dishonest, vicious attacks against Howard – but this time they weren’t paid for by the Bentzin campaign, but by the Republican Party.
Now think for a moment about the anti-toll-road campaign, in which any politician or public official who panders to the voters by coming out against tolls is declared heroic. They are especially well regarded when they don’t even broach the subject of how to pay for the maintenance and upkeep on all roads, as well as the costs of building future ones. Likewise, any politician in Texas who dares suggest that – in some way, some shape, some form – voters were going to have to pay for services they want from the state is regarded as a coward, a sellout, and out of touch with voter mood.
In the misleading, over-the-top attack ads on Howard, Ben Bentzin’s name was nowhere to be found. Thus, he could have his cake and eat it too. Here was brutal, dirty political campaign support of the lowest order, these ads seeming to run constantly on local television. Yet he could disclaim any knowledge of and deny any personal responsibility for them. Now, that’s the kind of political maturation that Texans must love, because they mostly vote for it.
The good news is that, as a gracious loser, without offering any indication that he had the faintest idea as to why he lost, Bentzin’s concession speech was mostly about how, since he is running unopposed in the March primary, he would again be a candidate for this seat next November. Ben, this is good advice: Just flash your phone number on the screen during commercials and try the home-tutoring ploy. It’s more than obvious that you no longer care what you have to say or do to get elected, and, trust me here, this one will work. What do you have to lose by trying it? 
This article appears in February 17 • 2006.