If you’re not feeling the holiday pinch by now, you’re not paying attention. We’re already ass deep in Chanukah, or, as the fundamentalists like to call it, “the C word.” In a few short days you have St. Lucy’s Day, named after the disturbing Sicilian saint who cut out her eyes to get rid of a stalker. Now that’s sending a message. “No” means “no eyes.” A chick with that kind of moxie deserves sainthood, so the church, surely without a stitch of irony (which apparently wasn’t invented until sometime around the Protestant reformation), made her the patron saint of blindness. St. Lucy’s day is traditionally celebrated near the winter solstice and features things like torchlight processions, bonfires, and candle lighting – all types of dangerous stuff blind people can’t appreciate. Shortly after that, some of you witchier types (let’s not name any names) will be gearing up for Yule. Yule should really get more play these days considering the soft, slow midsection of America is becoming increasingly monosyllabic. Maybe a Yule public service announcement featuring Mr. T? Probably the only thing that really keeps Yule from rocketing up the holiday charts with a bullet is that it’s mainly celebrated by people sporting “My other ride is a broom” bumper stickers. Hey, why be a witch if you can’t cackle about it? After Yule follows a veritable shit-storm of holidays: Festivus (you know, feats of strength and whatnot) Christmas Day, Boxing Day, St. Stephen’s Day, and Kwanzaa, which leads us right up to the wicked hangover known as New Year’s Day, when we eat beans called peas and make resolutions that quickly fall to the wayside when we see the line for the StairMaster at the gym. So really, if you’re not completely in freak-out mode you should be, and if you are, the best tonic for that type of hysteria is surely this Friday’s Magnetic Fields concert at Hogg Auditorium. While the rest of the chumps are out sucking up the sap of holiday sing-alongs, you can immerse yourself in the rich lyrical landscapes and moody, melodic eclecticism of Magnetic Fields creator/songwriter/producer/instrumentalist Stephin Merritt, who has been impressing critics for more than a decade with a string of quality independent releases. At the Hogg he will be joined by his live-action touring troupe: a cellist, keyboardist, and guitarist. Even if they don’t perfectly carry off the sound live, it will surely be one of your least disappointing moments this holiday season.
This article appears in December 10 • 2004.
