If this Sunday is like last Sunday, it’s pretty evident that God wants you to spend it indoors – possibly in a nicely air-conditioned church. His house. Hizzouse if you want to say it like Snoop. The other alternative is to stay outside and watch your skin blister, pop, and sizzle like bacon in a skillet, which might be fascinating if, like Snoop, you’re smoking really good weed, but if you’re anything less than half-baked, you’re going to want to park it where the sun doesn’t shine. Churches are good for that, but ultimately they don’t hold a candle (votive or otherwise) to a good roller derby match for sheer entertainment value. This Sunday at Playland Skate Center the Texas Rollergirls will rock the hizzouse with an exciting, action-packed doubleheader. In the first bout, the Hotrod Honeys, sporting black shorts and sassy pink tops, will throw down against the Hell Marys, a naughty Catholic schoolgirl-themed squad. The second bout features the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers who do their business in daisy dukes, fringed western shirts, and cowgirl hats, squaring off against the Hustlers, a streetwalker-styled set of strumpets pimped out in purple with names like Cheap Trixie, Sedonya Face, and Pussy Velour. If all this sounds a little trashy, it is. It’s roller derby. Classlessness and camp abound but with a uniquely Austin spin. Nowhere else in this state and certainly not this decade can you find a Sunday sporting match so wacky and happily depraved. Yes, there’s sport involved. There is competition. There is also booze, burlesque, and bands. (What? You didn’t think rollergirls have roommates?) This Sunday’s music will be provided by the Pink Swords, a fun-loving bunch of punkers with a phallic motif, and the Applicators, a girl group with a more gynecological groove. The $10 admission is a pittance to pay to see hot chicks scrap in skimpy costumes. The bands alone are worth that price, but if you’re feeling guilty because it’s the Lord’s Day, you can relax and enjoy the spectacle knowing that a portion of the proceeds go to the Children’s Advocacy Center of Texas.
This article appears in July 18 • 2003.
