The big question of novice rollerderby fans – those innocent people badgered into attending by fun-loving, well-meaning friends with phrases like “you’ll love it!” or “It’s hilarious!” or “It’s so campy!” – is, why? The same could be said of an Elk’s Lodge meeting, Sunday morning mass, a gamers’ convention, or a renaissance faire. Really, the list goes on and on. Every day, people the world over seriously, earnestly, and passionately engage in silly activities that would also be highly entertaining if augmented by cheap beer and punk rock. In fact, viewed with the right attitude, life is an ongoing reality show that trumps even the Donald’s. Imagine spending an afternoon getting tanked with your friends, goofing on a kindergarten teacher or maybe watching a group of city workers fix a water main. If you’re not convinced, rent “The Office” on DVD. HIGH-larious! Now pass the PBR and crank up the Fugazi. The problem is that most people aren’t graced with the requisite sense of existential absurdity to be entertained by the commonplace. They need flash, pageant and circumstance and when that’s not enough, maybe some beer and punk. That’s why there’s rollerderby: a freakshow that actually tries to be a freakshow. Yes, it’s a competition, an actual sport, but that’s merely the plot – the framework on which to hang the emperor’s clothes. Before the first empowered neo-feminist gets slammed to the hardwood, rest assured that meticulous attention has been paid to how she looks when it happens – you won’t get that with most kindergarten teachers. You also won’t get the tattoos, fetish wear, and foul mouth – at least not outside of the teachers’ lounge. Not to worry, you can get all of that and more this Sunday when the undefeated Honky Tonk Heartbreakers take on the Hustlers in the Texas Rollergirls 2004 Championship at the Playland Skate Center. Also on the bill is a grudge match between the Hell Marys and the Hotrod Honeys, plus music by the White Ghost Shivers and Seattle rockers the Spits accompanied by the Boom-Chica-Boom Go-Go dancers. Seriously. It will be campy, hilarious, and you’ll love it. It also benefits Bikers Against Child Abuse and you don’t want to cross them, do you?
This article appears in October 22 • 2004.
