New Year’s Eve is pure bullshit, start to finish. It’s hype stacked on hype stacked on hype … ad infinitum. Not even Vegas blows as much smoke up the collective ass. Scratch that … not even the White House press secretary … well, you get the idea. One arbitrary digit flips and the whole world’s supposed to swap spit, spray champagne, rattle, whistle, honk, and holler? Well, actually not the whole world … just certain time zones in the Western hemisphere. After all, time is relative. In fact, it could be argued that time doesn’t really exist at all – that it’s just a philosophical framework we’ve superimposed on the physical world. Of course, as any philosophy major will tell you, that kind of thinking doesn’t get your timecard punched, but it sure might get you punched. People, Westerners in particular, like their time in a straight line. That way they feel like they can get a better glimpse of the end. Surely we weren’t blessed with consciousness just to chase our tails. Other peoples’ tails, well that’s something entirely different, and if you’re chasing tail on New Year’s Eve, it really pays to at least pretend to buy into the hype. Besides, the party is only as good as what you bring to it anyway, right? This Saturday Austin bands the Small Stars and the White Ghost Shivers are bringing circus freaks to their New Year’s party at the Blue Genie. Talk about putting your “Keep Austin Weird” money where your mouth is. It’s not like the Shivers didn’t have a serious Carnivále vibe going anyway, but pair them up with the Small Stars and you’ve got a three-titted bearded lady of a bill to say the least. Adding circus freaks to that mix is like spraying whipped cream on cheese fries: It might be good, but is it healthy? You should definitely go find out for yourself.
This article appears in December 30 • 2005.
