Last weekend Vice President “Deadeye Dick” Cheney went “Final Fantasy” and declared open season on lawyers. Apparently the V.P. is among those who believe that lawyers, like quail, are an intolerable nuisance that must be flushed out and exterminated with extreme prejudice. Cheney’s birdshot facial of Austin attorney Harry Whittington (a.k.a. “that wascuhwy Hehwy Whittington”) brilliantly underscores the unholy communion of impunity and incompetence in the current administration. After five years of bungling, idiotic governance, the only thing the White House has produced in abundance is irony. This latest example is just a drop in the bucket. As any lawyer worth his salt will tell you, the second amendment isn’t about protecting yourself from thieves, murderers, or even vicious, marauding game birds, it’s about protecting yourself from the government, which in this case is literally a grumpy old codger with a bum ticker (or maybe it’s just too cold?) and an itchy trigger finger. It’s enough to make you join the N.R.A., and even though Whittington is no spring chicken, the fact that he doesn’t buy green bananas is no excuse to move him to the front of the line. There are plenty of more deserving lawyers who could have walked point for the V.P. – Condi Rice for instance – but instead Cheney chose to pick on the old dude. Before ol’ Deadeye mows them all down, you might want to head to the Broken Spoke Friday to check out local lawyer Lucky Tomblin, who will be celebrating the release of his latest CD with an all-star band of country musicians that includes Redd Volkaert, Cindy Cashdollar, Earl Poole Ball, and Sarah Brown. Lucky is right. Lucky he’s not quail hunting with the V.P.
This article appears in February 17 • 2006.
