HAPPY NEW QUEER Resolved: 2009. Be a better gay. More gay. Solidarigay. As gay as the day is gay. And then some. I hope my fellow Gay Placers (see the Gay Place Blog) and readers will join this quest. Further resolved: I shall not succumb to capital “G” Gay stereotypical behavior. I will modify my behavior to be an empowered gay.
Resolved (applies to all sexes):
10) I will cease to use the word “empowered.”
9) I will not post bad lesbian poetry or pictures of my wang on the Internet.
8) I will only write three blog posts about Broadway musicals this year.
7) I will not hit on straight people unless they hit on me first.
6) I will not run for another board of a local nonprofit if I have been on the board of a nonprofit within the past five years.
5) I will not make fun of lesbians’ clothing.
4) I will not make fun of gay men’s hair.
3) I will leave bitchy queeniness to those more
qualified (see “After a Fashion” or any
Hey Homo event).
2) I will not go into debt over that sweet young trick.
1) I will read Gay Place every day online and every week in The Austin Chronicle.
This article appears in January 9 • 2009.