2007 PREDICTION Look for Madonna and Angelina to found a new online resource called eBay-B in which they can bid furiously against each other for children in a dazzling array of colors.
MOVIN’ ON UP… To the Eastside. A new women’s apparel boutique and day spa, Solid Gold, has opened at 1601 E. Fifth at Comal. The Solid Gold collection includes apparel, gifts, accessories, and bath and beauty and specialty skin-care products. Owners Anya Jack and Katie Friedman say that the Solid Gold clothing collection is focused on unique pieces with interesting design details and high-quality fabrics rather than prints (thus the “solid” in Solid Gold). The designers and lines are chosen for an edgy, urban, and fashion-forward feel. Open Monday through Saturday, 11am-7pm, and Sunday, noon-5pm.
I WANT A NEW TOY Oh-weh-oh. The hottest toys of the season may not be on the store shelves but live in your imagination. Thanks to Lene Lovich and Datalounge.
Tickle Me Mark Foley Your tiny hands will make furry little Mark Foley giggle, gurgle, and roll over with delight.
The Rev. Haggard’s My First Meth Lab Watch the Rev. Ted Haggard’s drug use go from casual to calamitous and his career go from holy to homo.
The Anderson Cooper Closet Organizer For when the closet becomes a wee bit messy.
The Mel Gibson Action Figure It drunkenly shrieks ethnic obscenities and then apologizes.
The Rush Limbaugh Pill Pouch With pockets to organize all your pain-relief medications: The blue pockets are for your prescriptions, and the pink pockets are for the drugs you secure through your illegal-immigrant maid.
GIFTS FOR THE ALSO-RANS It’ll be a sad Christmas for so many – especially those who dumped their hearts, souls, and bank accounts into failed political campaigns. Just imagine the joy that will overcome them on Christmas morning when they see what Santa brought them:
Carole Keeton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn Burton Burton Warner Fortensky A new last name and hundreds more grandchildren to keep this tough grandma feeling fresh.
Chris Bell A solid identity so that next time he does battle with those who are better-known than he, we will know who he is.
Kinky Friedman Some new boots. With platforms.
ONLINE Where Queer Eye for the Straight Guy collides with the occult: www.thomasscoville.com/metrosexual
AGENDA Friday, Dec. 8, the Umlauf Sculpture Gallery & Garden shows off more than 50 sculptures, drawings, and paintings it has been given since the museum opened in 1991. Through Feb. 11. Further info is at www.umlaufsculpture.org… Sunday, Dec. 17, at the Four Seasons Hotel, the Andy Roddick Foundation presents its second annual Charity Gala & Auction, with emcee Andy Roddick and special musical guest Lionel Richie. See www.arfoundation.org for tickets and more info.
This article appears in December 8 • 2006.