DATELINE: NYC I’d arrived feeling like Eva Gabor in Green Acres (“New Yorrrrrk is where I’d rather stay …”) – but I left with my peignoir between my legs. The trip seemed to start off well after harried preparations (“The chores!”) – from my delightful transsexual seatmate to a pleasant stay at the Hilton Garden Inn (“Times Square!”). While the hotel name conjured up something lovely with cabanas among lush foliage, upon arrival it was evident that there was no garden, much less any cabanas. It was 11pm, and all I was interested in was the Greek diner across the street and a warm bed. After accommodating myself with both, I relaxed and turned on the TV. Among the limited channels was something called the Hilton Family Channel, which, naturally, I presumed ran home movies of Kathy, Nicky, and Paris Hilton all day … but no. In fact, I couldn’t imagine Paris being anywhere near this place. The closest I came to finding Paris was a Simple Life marathon on E!. The next day I noticed there was a Famous Original Ray’s Pizza in the next block (or was it one of their impostors, such as Ray’s Original Famous Pizza? Famous Ray’s Original Pizza? Original Ray’s Famous Pizza?), and bought slices and holed up in my room to work. In the next few days, I tramped around New York as much as I could (“The stores!”), deciding that while I loved living there 10 years ago, Austin had completely spoiled me. The crowded streets seemed not so much vibrant and alive as they seemed oppressive and threatening (“Goodbye city life!”). The skyscraper canyons (“I just adore a penthouse view!”) seemed to box me in and obscure the sky. I’d never wanted to get back to Austin so badly in my life. “Green Acres, we are there!”
REJECT RUNWAY I’d come to New York to audition for Project Runway. Having made the decision close to the last minute, I’d scrambled to be ready. From the beginning of February with the preparations for my own fashion show occupying my mind, followed by SXSW immediately thereafter, to preparing my portfolio and collection, it was all a blur until I found myself on the plane. I’d arrived at night with the entire next day to get my portfolio together and to deal with any catastrophes. It took far longer than I thought. I labored all day and night, finally resting about 4am – with a 5am wake-up call. I arrived for the audition at Macy’s Herald Square at 5:30am and was number 13 in line (good omen? Hmmm … maybe not). I bonded immediately with a woman from Connecticut (No. 12) and her husband (as I emerged from the taxi in my own inimitable way, the woman’s husband told her, “He’s gonna make it.”) Another woman from Dallas (No. 11) was so friendly and pleasant that I relaxed immediately even though I was afraid I might be the oldest living designer ever to appear on television. Because there’s a hefty nondisclosure agreement, I can’t tell you anything about the process that occurred, except to say that it was brutal and that I was not chosen. Regardless of the fashion parade seen by the judges upstairs, the real fashion parade occurred on the street in full view of passersby. The queue of taxis and black cars pulling up deposited all manner of humanity – designers desperately trying to look like designers mingled with designers who you’d never dream were designers. A sheer fishtail gown of lavender mesh with a big pink bow, worn by the model with a black bra and thong under it, was … um … stunning, as was a bondage outfit that I was sure still had Vaseline on it. A lot of the clothes seemed to be designed for and modeled by hookers, and some of the clubwear should never have seen the light of day. But there were gorgeous things too: slinky cocktail dresses, ravishing couture, and smart daywear. The line snaked all the way down 34th and around Broadway – hundreds of hopefuls all awaiting their chance to make it big on reality television. But the real reality was on the faces of those exiting the building: some sad, some bemused, some distraught … and a very few delirious with excitement. Just another day on the streets of New York.
AGENDA Fri., March 31: Austin Museum of Art‘s fabulous Art Ball X and After-Party – see www.amoa.org/abx for info… Sat., April 1: Austin Lyric Opera‘s glorious Le Bal de l’Opera 2006. Go to www.austinlyricopera.org/support/auction2006.asp for all the details… Sat., April 8: Famed crystal designer William Yeoward will be on hand at the Menagerie, 12-4pm, to sign that day’s crystal purchases and answer questions. www.themenagerie.com… Thu., April 20: Austin Gay and Lesbian International Film Festival presents Bloom, a fundraiser at Big Red Sun with food, spirits, and performances. See www.agliff.org for details… Fri., April 21 UT’s Fashion Design Students present Mosaic, a major Austin fashion event at the Frank Erwin Center, 8pm. Free…
This article appears in March 31 • 2006.