RUMORS, LIES, & INNUENDO “Fashion is the work of the devil,” Libyan leader and fashion maven Moammar Gadhafi said recently. He added, “Satan is the one who suggested to Adam & Eve to cover up with leaves,” and went on to say that he had decided to switch exclusively to female bodyguards. We’re anxiously awaiting to see what they will be wearing… Liz Hurley was heckled at the premiere of her new movie, Bedazzled, by protesters angry about her crossing union picket lines to film an Estee Lauder ad. Scab Hurley pleaded ignorance in a published statement, but the union is looking askance at her actions, and is investigating. She could be fined or lose her SAG card. Rumor says that she’d better hold onto that card, since it seems she’s worn out her welcome at Estee Lauder. Paging Gwenyth Paltrow to Human Resources… What is with this mysterious turnabout regarding Queen Elizabeth‘s clothes? She’s been the brunt of endless jokes for her dowdy styles and lack of taste. But, when she took a tour of Italy recently, she became of object of much fawning and gushing by designers who must be losing their eyesight. “She is so classy,” said Rosita Missoni. Miuccia Prada adding, “She is, simply, one of the most elegant women in the world.” Making the sovereign sound more like a supermodel, Gianfranco Ferre said she is “perfect in the clothes she wears,” and Carla Fendi praised her “personal style.” Hint Magazine had the final say, with “we look forward to Her Majesty opening parliament next year in a Versace safety-pin dress, and hosting the 2001 VH1 Fashion Awards in a Jeremy Scott swimsuit.”… Hint also dishes out the following, “Isaac Mizrahi may have shed more pounds than Carnie Wilson in the past year, but he still has some serious body-image issues.” WWD reports that throughout his new cabaret show, Les MIZrahi, the designer dishes the skinny on everyone from Michael Kors (for alleged plagiarism) to Helen Hunt (for ordering an Oscars frock which she ditched for Gucci — without telling him), but dines out on former employer Calvin Klein, “where you can be three pounds overweight and stand there screaming about an idea and they will ignore you, then a skinny fag stands up in the back and says, ‘Hey, Calvin, we should do black and beige again,’ and they go running for the cutting boards.”… Joining the ranks of the big-time prima donnas, Tom Ford (rapidly becoming known as Queen Tom), worried so much about the tent he was to show his first YSL collection in — he worried about it, but just seemed to be unable to describe it. “I can’t see it on paper, just build it, and I’ll tell you what to change,” he ordered his worker bees. And they did so. At least three times. The finished product was dubbed a “mausoleum” by the French press. What they said about his show is unprintable… New York Times Magazine revealed that Ivana Trump goes through no fewer than 12,000 bras a year. “I go to [Bloomingdale’s] for two hours and I buy 2,000 of the black, 2,000 of the beige, 2,000 of the white. And I ship them around between the homes and the boat, and that’s [the] end of it for maybe half a year, when I have to do it all over again.” Trump herself clarified the matter by telling the New York Post that the figure was a misprint, and said the correct number of bras she buys per year is 144… Queen, I mean Kaiser, Karl Lagerfeld continues to age badly. Referring to the Azzedine Alaia retrospective at SoHo’s Guggenheim museum, Lagerfeld says, “If you want to see a retrospective of Alaia, just take a look at what he’s doing now.” Responded Alaia, “[Lagerfeld] will be remembered in history for having cut his bangs, not for his designs.” Karl may be cranky because of his tax problems — he wrote French first lady Bernadette Chirac asking for a break, and the letter was published in scandal sheets around the world… For those who think that John Galliano is the freshest breath to enter the Paris couture in decades, make sure and note that you are witnessing history happen before your eyes — the trashing of his career. With couture collections that have sold not a single piece, and expensive theatrics that have done little to improve the name of Christian Dior, Galliano skates on thin ice. He is rapidly alienating the ladies who might spend $50,000 for a single dress, with such antics as showing the collection accompanied by a soundtrack saying, “Pussy, we’ve got pussy, black pussy, white pussy, hot pussy, cold pussy, smelly pussy, and hairy pussy.” Charming.
This article appears in November 17 • 2000.