Disclosure of one’s HIV+ status can be gut-wrenching – but at the
same time a
very liberating experience. Being proactive and prepared is the best
approach.
The following guidelines, featured in the fall 1993 issue of
Positively
Aware, were compliled by writer David Thomas, with the assistance
of
Stephen Jeffries of Test Positive Aware Network (Chicago).
Sylvia J. Lopez
Wellness Program Coordinator
- Do talk with a friend or counselor for advice on how to
approach your
family. Friends who’ve gone through the same process are especially
helpful and
can offer insights about specific individuals whom they’ve told and
whom you
both know. - Do decide what level of control you want over who knows your HIV
status.
Unless you specifically tell a friend or family member not to tell
others, they
may mistakenly take your candor with them as a sign of general
openness. - Do choose carefully who you want to tell, not who you need to tell.
You have
no obligation but to yourself. - Do read up on your basic HIV information. Friends and family who know
little
about the epidemic may entertain a multitude of misconceptions and
myths about
how HIV is transmitted and how quickly disease progresses. - Do bring with you newsletters, books, brochures, videos, and phone
numbers –
your family in particular may not know how to access such resources on
their
own. - Do be in a position of confidence. If you haven`t yet come to terms
with your
HIV status, you`ll have a hard time helping your loved ones do so. - Don’t expect too much from them too quickly. While you want the
support of
your family for the long run, don`t shut the door on people whose
initial
reaction to your infection is based on ignorance or fear. Educating
them may
take some time, but the result will probably be well worth it. - Don’t tell them when you`re sick. Although bedside confessions are
sometimes
unavoidable, everyone – including you – will probably have an easier
time if
you tell them from a position of strength. - Don’t forget that “you can choose your friends but not your family.”
If a
friend reacts negatively, you can find another. You may have to educate
your
family. - Don’t think it necessarily gets any easier after the first time –
while the
news may become “old hat” to you, people hearing it for the first time
may
react much the same way. - Don’t assume a specific reaction to your disclosure. While you may
think you
can anticipate a close friend or relative`s reaction, overly specific
expectations may leave you unprepared to deal with how they actually
take the
news.
This article appears in May 5 • 1995 and May 5 • 1995 (Cover).