Marco Rubio gives a sound bite, Scott Evans rips from the headlines, and One Million Moms skip the commercials. Today’s AggreGAYtor has nothing better to do than to watch T.V. and have a couple of brews.
• Sparkly vampire Marco Rubio clarifies that he doesn’t judge filthy, perverted, sinful, wrongheaded homosexuals.
• Mexico’s Supreme Court rules that everyone must recognize same-sex marriages performed in the capital. Even you, Marco Rubio.
• Grumpy Discover Annapolis Tours owner Matt Grubbs, who I picture as the pitchfork wielding Calvinist in Grant Wood’s “American Gothic,” is mad that gay folks may want to discover Annapolis.
• Seattle’s plans for granting married gay employees an allowance to offset federal tax inequality has been postponed pending investigation of legality.
• White House sources claim that President Obama is considering openly gay Fred Hochberg for commerce secretary.
• Some sort of scandal involving out police officers and a councilman is bubbling in Phoenix, but I am more interested in probably doctored Olan Mills-like head shots that every city official seems to have. They’re so calming, like the first rays of light peeking out from storm clouds.
• Like a rising tide of vomit after an ill-advised drunken midnight snack, gaybashing cop Eliut Hazzi returns to the Miami Beach police force.
• Marriage equality clears the first legislative hurdle in Columbia.
• Naturally, the decision pissed off social conservatives. Politician Edgar Espindola celebrated by comparing marriage equality to necrophilia and bestiality. Talk about beating a dead horse.
• Although I am a fan of theatre of the absurd, I am growing a little weary at One Million Moms’ outrage over anything that vaguely has anything to do with gayness (what must they think of Skittles?) It’s not like JCP filmed a Christmas ad featuring Ellen reenacting The Exorcist’s cross masturbation scene with a candy cane.
• The parents of Michigan teen Josh Pacheco are blaming anti-gay bullying for his suicide.
• In other sad news, missing Georgia lesbian Lisa Lawson has been found dead.
• Notre Dame University officially recognizes first LGBT support organization.
• Pretend gay cop Scott Evans calls his drug bust the “most ridiculous night of my life in LA so far.”
• Bishop Desmond Tutu blasts Ugandan anti-gay bill.
• Daily Mail Sportswriter weirdly calls for English footballer Joey Barton to fake being gay. Although said sportswriter’s knowledge of Lady Bunny seems to point the gaydar in another direction.
• In a secret location nestled in the rollicking hills of Andalusia, America’s brightest wingnuts are hard at work designing the next generation of homophobes.
• Queer R&B crooner Frank Ocean and staunch allies fun. dom the Grammy nominations. I still hate Willy Cartier.
• Beige praying mantis Taylor Swift resorts to plan ‘B” after One Direction spurns condom endorsement.
VIDEO BONUS: Here’s John Travolta trying his best to quell those gay rumors. It’s a little unconvincing if you ask me.
This article appears in November 30 • 2012.