At first I got pissed, reading earlier this month that the new favorite joke in NFL locker rooms is a quick “No Homo,” kinda like a “Fag. No Fag backs.”

For example:
“My, Jackson, your Johnson looks so big in those tight, white pants.”
(Wait for it.)
“No Homo!”

See, how it works is you lay down something really, really homosexual, like “God I’d love to just devour your vagina,” and couple it with the negating quality of a wham-bam-“No Homo”-ma’am, and none of the sinning applies, and, instead, you get to remain safe and sound among the confines of hetero-normative societal expectations. Sigh.

Or.

Just be so damn gay when you say it that you (ever-so-flamboyantly) yank it back from those using the expression teeming with homophobic intent. We don’t have to get pissed off: We’ll just do it better.

Like so:

Youtube video

This article appears in July 11 • 2008.

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