If your man picks gay-baitin’, new-Dem-con Tim Kaine for his choice for running mate; then find me… and bring a bucket. You will be witness to the grandest public rainbow display of reverse peristalsis this side of Mr. Creosote.

I will be puking up:

Purple for the shoulder shrugs, including those from his own purple state.

Barfing up

Blue for his blandness.

Regurgitating

Green for his inexperience.

Yakking up

Yellow for his shitty gay-baiting tactic during the gubernatorial race, going off on his Republican opponent for having a “gay-sounding” voice. (As Chronicle Politics department maven Amy Smith deftly points out: “That’s a gay accent, buddy.”)

Upchucking

Orange for how his name is half of McCain.

And retching

Red for his anti-choice tendencies.

Be sure to bring a wafer-thin mint.

This article appears in August 22 • 2008.

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