Mr. Smarty Pants

Two-thousand daydreams per day

But the real question is: Can hamsters remember to call on their mothers’ birthdays?

Some like it pregnant

Mae West, ‘lewd and risqu�? Oh, please.

Yes, but do any of them know the words to ‘Beep Me 911″?

Well, where else are we supposed to play ‘Bejeweled’?

And I thought my bubbie’s seders were crazy

Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me?

Maybe the colloquialism should be changed to ‘cat-shit crazy’

Guns and ranch dressing: just another week in Texas

Next time you buy a sixer from Valero, thank Handy Dan