I’m Afraid, You’re Afraid

448 Things to Fear and Why

by Melinda Muse

Hyperion, 208 pp., $12.95 (paper)

Are you reading this while chewing gum, wearing eyeglasses or deodorant, in a mall, or on Monday? Look out! I’m Afraid, You’re Afraid lists 443 other things you mustn’t touch, eat, do, or be. Like mangos, molasses, electrolysis, and narcissists. This irreverent textbook of life’s hazards explains that gum causes tooth decay, flatulence, and intestinal blockage; thousands of people each year are treated for eyeglass-related injuries; a common deodorant ingredient shows up in four times the normal concentration in Alzheimer-affected brains. Malls threaten heart attacks and robbery. Monday is the day most people take their own lives. “‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’ is foolish advice,” Muse writes. “It’s the small stuff that will make you duck and cover.” Forget global warming — worry about that halogen floor lamp.

This article appears in March 10 • 2000.

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