old red and green bubble lights from Woolworth‘s old flagship on 42nd Street in New York!
For one thing, I had just thrown a party and had already gussied up the crib for that. But there was this unexpected obsession, one of those haunting muses, that I couldn’t shake. Do you remember when department stores would have clusters of holiday trappings in abundance, everywhere in the store? There were even architectural spaces created for decor and nothing else, like small niches in the wall as you ascended the escalator, and random corsages of glitter and apples showcasing the panties table. Those were always little surprises, and the minutiae was truly amazing: a small world created in a window sill, perhaps, with poinsettias, balls, tiny wrapped gifts…and its own little lights. The reason modern decor is so popular with retailers, I’m convinced, is because it’s cheap. Put a bright green cube in the corner and buy merchandise instead seems to be the new order. So, my holiday obsession this year was to create the fakest, bluest abbodanza of Christmas, the likes of which Lord & Taylor has never seen. Do you know how hard it is to find blue holiday gear these days? Where is all the Hannukah stuff? No dreidels, no sparkly silver and blue, nothing (unless you count the official Dallas Cowboys decorations at Walmart). I proudly acquired the only set of blue lights that I believe exists in town, self-importantly flouncing to the register, convinced that others in the store were jealous of my blue tinsel, tree, and lights. Hello, Frasier Crane Christmas.
The most classic department store wad o’ Christmas, of course, features a cluster of small trees, laden with more crap than the customer schlepping around it. So blue trees it was. I found one marine blue twig tree at Hobby Lobby, one small silver tree at Michael’s, but no real blue until the inky-dark Dallas Cowboys tree suggested itself at Walmart. Blue will do. One marine tree has been covered with dark blue tinsel garland (Walmart, as well), one silver tree has been covered with as much dark blue as I could find (Hobby Lobby picks are discounted 50% every year, and they still carry a huge selection), and the Cowboys tree took the lighter blue and turquoise ornaments. Teal poinsettias finish it off. Anytime you’re dealing with fake teal flowers, you know you’re on some planet other than Martha‘s. I’ll call from the airport when I get in from this one, I can sense that it’s not over yet.
This article appears in November 25 • 2011.