Longhorns' Million Dollar Bash

Saturday’s 45-0 victory over the New Mexico Lobos, a team that has won four games in four years, concludes the Mountain West Conference portion of the Longhorns schedule. Texas paid a million dollars to the university of the state best known as where “Breaking Bad” takes place, just so the Horns could keep mountin’ W’s. Don’t meth with Texas!

In 2015 and 2016, Texas opens the season against Notre Dame, but until then the idea is to keep spending more money on cupcakes than the governor of New Jersey. Remember, this is a regime that canceled an opener against Hawaii a few years back because it was afraid of an upset. Talk about your tiny bubbles. The first two games of 2012 were all about getting sophomore QB David Ash comfortable- and keeping Texas in the Top 20- before a three-week run (Sept. 29- Oct. 13) against Oklahoma State, West Virginia and Oklahoma that will show us what kind of team we really have.

So far during this Longhorn Network hostage negotiation period, Ash has struggled with his deep balls, but his short curls were almost perfect. Numbers: 16 of 22 for 221 yards and no picks. Those stats were padded by a 45-yard flip pass to true freshman Daje Johnson, who was suspended for the opening game because he didn’t mention either “Family Guy,” Lil Wayne or “Remember the Titans” as a personal favorite in the Longhorns media guide. The Pflugerville Hendrickson product is reminiscent of Ramonce Taylor from the 2005 national championship team- and not just because of the off-field issues.

Although the defense, led by future first-rounders Jackson Jeffcoat, Kenny Vaccaro and Quandre Diggs, held NM to a turquoise ring on the scoreboard, Manny’s Pack o’ Wow didn’t really factor until the second half. They’ll have a much tougher time this Saturday against Ole Miss, which has an emerging star in quarterback Bo Wallace, a JUCO transfer that Texas sorta pursued. Let's hope our DEs Oak n' Coat can do a better job than our recruiters. After the Rebels beat University of Texas El Paso 28-10 Saturday, UTEP coach Mike Price deemed the Ole Miss offense even better than Oklahoma, which beat UTEP 24-7 in the season opener.

As the Sooners proved last year, however, you can't really use common opponents as a true gauge. OU stomped Texas 55-17 at a neutral site, then lost at home against Texas Tech, a team the Longhorns handled easily. Ditto Choke State vs. Iowa State.

Ole Miss is an SEC foe better known for its tailgating in the Grove than gyrating in the end zone, but an upset is not out of the question. A hundred thousand folks are going to be partying before the game and, by the looks of all the Confederate flags, it won’t be because they’re celebrating this month’s 50th anniversary of James Meredith integrating the school. The only uniforms the Ole Miss faithful have hated more than they will the Longhorns’ unis this week were worn by the National Guard in the ‘60s.

But Ole Miss is a college of great tradition. William Faulkner went there, as did two characters played by Sandra Bullock in the movies (“A Time To Kill” and “The Blind Side”). The speed limit on campus is 18 MPH after the number Archie Manning wore. (It’s fortunate they didn’t go with Michael Oher’s #74.)

The Horns will be heavily favored, but not in my mind. Anything can happen on the football field, right Arkansas? The problem with feasting on pastries before the main course is that you may lose your appetite for destruction.

Watch Coach Brown's Monday press conference